Have you ever looked at the woman you want to become and thought, I wasn’t raised to be her? Maybe you want to speak up for yourself, trust your decisions, make more money, build a successful career, or create a completely different kind of life than the one you grew up around—but no matter how badly you want it, you keep slipping back into old patterns. I know that feeling because I spent years trying to become a more confident, empowered version of myself while still operating from everything I’d been taught about who I was supposed to be. In this episode, we’re talking about what happens when the life you want requires you to become someone you were never shown how to be—and why that doesn’t mean you’re stuck being who you were raised to be.

In this episode, we’re getting into:

• Why changing your life can feel so hard when your goals don’t match the beliefs and behaviours you grew up around

• The connection between childhood conditioning, self-belief, confidence, boundaries, money, success and the way you show up as an adult

• Why the voices you’ve heard throughout your life can become the voice running the show inside your own head

• What your nervous system has to do with falling back into familiar habits, even when you desperately want something different

• How I’m experimenting with using my own voice to support identity shifts, self-trust and becoming the woman I actually want to be

• A first look at 7 Days to Be Her, and how you can join the VIP list if you want to experiment with changing how you show up every day right alongside me

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JOIN 7 Days to Be Her — a free live sprint where we take control of your thoughts, beliefs, and how you show up, so you can bridge the gap between who you’ve been showing up as, and how your future self who’s living your dreams shows up. If this resonates, add your name to the VIP list here, and I’ll email you when the first round dates are picked.

TRANSCRIPT

0:00

I've always loved empowering songs, especially growing up hearing songs like Independent Women by Destiny's Child or No Scrubs by TLC.

They talk about these women who were raised to not take shit and know their worth, and I wanted that for myself.

0:15

But I wasn't raised that way, and I felt cheated.

I tried for a decade to be this empowered version of myself and I failed over and over and over again.

Then I applied the things I'm about to share with you in this episode, and everything started to change.

0:32

So grab a drink, get comfy, and I'll tell you all about it.

Oh, hi there, we've been waiting for you.

Let me guess, you have a feeling inside that something isn't right and a change needs to be made, but you're not exactly sure what that is or how to go about it.

0:50

You found us at the perfect time around here.

We don't believe in doing things just because that's how it's always been done, waiting for someday to go after our dream life or having backup plans.

We believe in creating our own custom life full of things that light our souls all the way up and knowing that deep down we owe it to ourselves to try and make it happen.

1:16

It all starts by saying no thanks to that same shit, different day hamster wheel and unsubscribing from that way of living.

Being here means you're taking that first step towards something better for yourself.

We are so glad to have you.

1:32

This is more than a podcast.

It's a movement.

I'm your host, Carolina, welcome to No thanks.

Unsubscribe.

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to today's episode.

1:54

How are you doing?

You can't change your life unless you're honest with yourself, and you can't be honest if you don't ask the right questions, and you can't ask the right questions if you don't know what to ask.

Well, that's why I'm here.

So welcome.

2:12

I did all the work, like I was saying in the intro how I failed over and over and over again.

And after that failing, I spent five years figuring this shit out.

So I did all the work for you so you don't have to.

So hit that follow button so you can be the version of you that you've always wanted and join this movement.

2:33

Welcome to the club.

So how are you doing today and what do you have to drink?

I have two drinks, I have water and mango iced tea, which is like half gone since I was setting up the microphone and everything and it's so delicious.

2:55

I just can't help myself.

I can't.

So today's episode, like what if who you were raised to be is actually setting you up for failure.

3:13

And I don't mean failure like you're failing at life.

I mean, failure, like you're not able to be the person that you actually want to be because you never had someone to mirror that for you and show you that it's possible or show you how to do it or show you what to do.

And that's something that I found that I kept bumping up against.

3:32

Also, I forgot to say I have my window open today.

Normally I don't, I try and create like a little environment for the show, but today is an open window.

It's beautiful out.

So if you hear extra noise, that's why this is real life.

3:52

So what do you, what if who you were raised to be is setting you up for failure and failure as in when you're trying to manifest your dream life, you're trying to, even if it's not even that big, like your dream life could be that you want to have a happy home and you want to have a good relationship with your kids and you want to have family night every Sunday.

4:13

And like, you know, that could be your dream life.

That's OK.

Your dream life doesn't have to be a mansion and 10 cars and an island in Aruba or an island in the Caribbean or whatever.

Vacations in Aruba?

I don't know.

Your dream Life doesn't have to be some big thing.

4:33

But if who you want to be is not who you've been living, how do you bridge that gap?

Because you're trying to create a life that you were never taught how to live while continuing to show U as the version of you who was trained for a life that you're trying to leave O.

4:55

There's like, not only like in the spiritual world, like an energetic mismatch, there's actually like an embodied mismatch.

I often saw this when it came to like how you dress or you know, like they say, like dress for the job you want.

5:12

This is kind of that concept where you are showing up every day in your PJS, but you're being called to wear a pantsuit.

I don't know.

I don't know.

5:27

This is the first thing that came to mind.

It's just not gonna work.

Like, if you wanna work on Wall Street, you can't show up in your pajamas.

Like, that's the thing.

And it's more than just saying affirmations and saying you deserve it.

5:47

You have to what I learned through these this failure is like you have to change your habits.

And more than that, you have to believe that you deserve it, not just want it.

And you have to change how you show up every single day.

6:03

A lot of people talk about that like showing up as, you know, if you connect with the future, you how would they show up every single day?

Like what kinds of things would they be doing?

And like, it's kind of vague because you're like, well, I don't know, Like I'm not that person, but you have to bridge that gap.

6:25

And my problem, like this is how I was doing it.

Failing, gloriously glorious failure.

Like I was always, always a big goals person.

Big goals.

I wanted I was going to school to work in the music industry.

6:41

There was a fucking Grammy on my vision board.

Like huge goal.

And like I look at it like, now that I'm out of the vision board rat race, I can see it like this.

When I made goals, it was like, imagine, imagine a staircase.

7:00

OK, just a normal average 13 step staircase.

Yes, I looked that up.

The average staircase is between 12 and 16 steps, depending on whether you the ceilings are 8 feet, 9 feet or 10 feet.

So fun fact, that's your fun fact for the day.

7:15

You can tell people the standard staircase is an average of, you know, it's approximately 13 steps.

So you're on the floor that you're on.

So you're standing in front of a staircase.

OK, you're on the floor that you're on, and then there's the floor you want to get to O there's like me at music school, and then there's the Grammy on the next floor or maybe the Grammys actually like 5 flights U maybe it's an office building anyway, so you're on the floor that you're on and then there's the floor you want to get to.

7:46

OK, just basically whatever your goal is.

So the floor that you're on is your current reality, and then the floor you want to get to is your goal.

OK, so imagine, you know, walking up a staircase like a normal human, one step at a time.

8:03

That's funny.

That song by.

That song, One Step at a Time by Oh my God, what's her name?

It's been in my head one step at a time.

8:19

There's no need to.

Jordan Sparks.

Oh, my gosh.

I was just about to look it up, see you sing it, and then, you know, that song has been in my head for a while.

So it's really funny that we're talking about staircases right now.

OK, so when you walk up the stairs like a human being, you take one step at a time.

8:35

But then there's like the really tall dudes who can take 2 steps at a time and they can get there a little bit faster.

And so like, sometimes when you're going after your goals, it's possible to take two steps at a time, but a real, like a normal human being takes one step at a time.

8:51

And if you're a tiny human, you crawl up the staircase.

And you know, if you're a tall dude, you, you, you take 2 steps.

And if you're someone who needs assistance, maybe you have one of those chairs that takes you up, but it's still you have to take the time to go up the staircase.

OK.

And how I would goal.

9:07

And like, maybe you've done the same thing.

But when I would goal imagine trying to jump from the bottom to the landing 13 steps up, that's not going to happen.

You're going to fall flat on your face.

That's what happened to me.

You just, you just fall flat on your face.

9:24

So every time you're looking and you're like, well, this doesn't work.

Well, yeah, no shit.

Because I'm showing up in my pajamas trying to jump up the staircase, not showing up in my pantsuit and trying to jump up the staircase.

It's like people talk a lot about quantum leaping and shifting timelines and like, I want to believe that's possible.

9:46

I've never currently seen it.

And I feel like that concept is jumping U the staircase.

And who am I to say it's not possible?

I'm not saying it's not possible.

I'm saying for the average human, the average person listening, you take one step at a time to go up the staircase.

10:04

This is our human existence.

That's what we do.

You have to do those things, you know, So I think a lot of us maybe when we're like, cool, I want to change my life.

And when who you've been is so different from who you want to be, you're trying to make this huge drastic change because you're like, wow, I fucking hate my life.

10:25

I hate how I show up.

And like for me, I used to always say that I would never even be friends with myself.

So like I had a fundamental problem of like, I didn't like who I was.

I didn't like how I was showing up to life.

I didn't like how I reacted to stuff was like, I didn't like who I was and I was so severely disconnected that like I didn't even know what my limits were and all that stuff.

10:48

So like there was a whole host of crap going on, but like you have to do the work on the ground floor before you can get up to the top floor.

Or it's like maybe you have to even do lateral work and like go to another building because maybe what you're looking for isn't even in the building that you're in.

11:09

Like the building that you're in is like the life that was built for you.

You know, like you came into this world and you were told things by society, by your family, by your teachers, by your bosses, and all of that shaped who you are, which is essentially, if you think about it, have you ever thought about how it's kind of like brainwashing?

11:31

Because you hear the same message over and over and over again to the point where you believe it to be true?

Like no one is going to tell you that it's not polite to say please and thank you.

But that had to get brainwashed into you.

And I know this because I hear my nephew who's two years old just taking things and like, I went for his birthday.

11:52

Actually, it was his mom's birthday.

And I brought him something too and he just grabs it out of my hand.

I'm like, I brought you these Disney stickers and then he just grabs some of my hand and takes them because I brought them for him.

Like it's society that tells us we need to say please and thank you.

12:09

Like I don't need to hear him say it.

I don't give a fuck.

Like I unsubscribe from all that crap.

Like he doesn't have to say that, but his parents want him to.

That's fine.

I'm not saying he shouldn't cause that's what our society wants you to do.

But my point is it has to get brainwashed into you to do those things.

12:28

You don't have to call it brainwashing.

If you want, you can call it learning.

Like you've learned these behaviors.

It's conditioning that you behave this way.

But it's still someone somewhere decided we need to be polite.

Like I love those those videos where people are like, they're like, if if introverts were just being honest.

12:49

And someone is like, Hey, do you want to go to this party?

And the introverts like Nope I don't.

I'm going to stay home and have a bath and pet the cat.

And like, how nice would it be if we actually were honest with each other, You know, like if someone is like, do you want to come to this thing?

13:14

You're like no thanks.

Like like wouldn't that be nice?

Instead of saying I'll see if I can make it like I would rather that life where someone said no thanks because I don't take it personally.

If you don't want to come to my thing, that's that's your thing.

13:32

Maybe it's not aligned for you, maybe something else is going to happen for you that day.

I don't know.

Like I only want aligned events and situations in my life.

I don't want to be forcing things and I don't want the people in my life to be forcing things.

13:47

And that's how I feel with this whole goals thing and the staircase thing, trying to jump up to the top and then falling flat on your face because like, I can't jump 13 stairs.

Maybe if I had a pole vault, but I don't no, I don't know how to pull vault.

14:09

But see, how fun is it to think I could get up asking your brain these questions of, well, how could I jump up 13 steps at once?

And I just without even trying came up with this answer of if you had a pole vault, you probably could jump it into our staircase with the pole.

14:24

So like there is a way that you can do these things, but I'm talking on like a really practical level.

Like you hear a song like independent Woman and you're like, yeah, I want that.

I bought it.

The clothes on my actually, I don't know all the words about it.

14:39

You know that that stuff.

I used to know all the words, but like we build the staircase to our goal and then we try and jump.

And unless you have the foundation in place, like the poll or like the habits or like all these things, you might fall flat on your face.

14:56

And that's what I experienced foe decades is definitely a full decade of trying to do those things and then completely abandoning it and then realizing like, hey, the problem is actually me.

It's me.

Hi, I'm the problem, it's me and I need to change how I'm showing up to life.

15:16

But like when you were raised in a completely different house than where you wanna live.

Metaphorically, maybe physically, I don't know.

You need to make some lateral moves before you start taking the stairs.

And it's so many different kinds of things.

15:35

It's not just the goals, and it's not to say the goals are mismatched.

It's just to say that like we need to figure out these steps in the foundation before we can start even taking this staircase.

Maybe there's a Moat around the staircase and a dragon.

15:52

There could be a dragon that maybe there's an alligator in the water.

I don't know, but there are things that shaped how we think we can go U the staircase and how we live on this ground floor and the clothes we wear and how we show U for life.

16:08

And it's things like the voices in our heads telling us that we can't do something.

We picked those up from other people.

We picked them up from our favorite shows or from our family or from our teachers.

Like I had a teacher tell me that I couldn't do something.

16:27

And then when I got into university, she's like, wow, you got into university?

Like, how the fuck are you a teacher?

You should be empowering your students, you know, but stuff like that, you internalize it.

And then you go through your life with that inner dialogue guiding you to what you think you can do.

16:49

And unless you are someone who's listening to the show, which you are, but like, think about how you were before you were listening to this and before you decided to change your life and before you wanted something for better for yourself.

You blindly accepted these things.

And this is where I say, no thanks, unsubscribe.

17:07

We're not doing it anymore.

No thanks.

Unsubscribe.

We're done.

You can change the voice in your head.

You can unlearn.

We don't have to call it brainwashing, but like, I kind of like it.

17:25

I kind of like brainwashing as like a fun, playful thing because like I would rather control the narrative of what's playing in my head.

It's almost like you had no control over the stuff that you heard over and over and over again because there's someone else's beliefs, someone else's habits, someone else's limitations, and you didn't know.

17:48

You had a choice to unsubscribe from them.

You didn't know because when you're being raised to be a human like nephew, and you're being told you have to say please and thank you, you're being molded.

It's like you're a lump of clay and you're being molded into this human to work in this society that you never actually signed up for.

18:09

You came into this life as an innocent and someone else molded you into this.

Well, the good news is we can unmold you.

The good news is the clay can be remolded.

How fun is that?

Because we are, what is it like 70% water?

18:27

I don't know if you've ever looked at water, but unless it's the dead of winter, that water is fluid, that water can move, that water can go wherever you want it to go.

So let's direct the flow.

Let's direct the stream.

Let's reshape the voices we hear in our heads and the limitations that we think.

18:46

Because people have always said, like, I loved Wayne Dyer, RIP.

And he always said, change your thoughts, change your life.

And I never understood how to do that because I always felt like such a prisoner in my brain because my brain would always say things and it still does.

19:05

It says things that I don't agree with.

Like I remember being in grade school and my brain would say things and I was terrified that someone would actually be telepathic and they would actually be able to hear what I'm thinking.

And it felt so separate from me.

19:21

And I would hear those things and I'd be like, who is this?

Like, that is not me.

But I would feel so trapped by it because I it was just doing its own thing, running its own race.

And now when it does those things, I have to tell it we don't do that anymore.

19:38

Like it starts going off about something and I'm like, Nope, we don't do that anymore.

And it took a long time to get to this place, to be fair, because I was noticing it weeks later.

And so like the first step in any of this change is always awareness.

19:58

I say that all the time.

Your first step has to be awareness before you try and change anything.

Step one is awareness.

You have to be aware of who you've been, who you're showing up as and where you're going awareness.

20:15

So if you have that basis, you're in the right place.

If you don't, I am working on something.

All those things that I asked myself to unsubscribe from to get to this place, I am working on a thing so that I can share that with you too.

So you don't have to take five years figuring it all out.

20:33

I will give you everything that I worked on so that in 30 days, you, you too can come out.

You can spend 30 days where I spent five years.

You're welcome.

Here I am, Tooting my own horn again.

Toot toot.

You gotta toot your own horn, man.

20:52

I've started talking to myself in the mirror every day and pumping myself up and I know it sounds weird and it feels really uncomfortable the first time you do it, but it feels incredible.

There's something about hearing yourself telling you, you can do something that changes the whole game.

21:13

And I think this comes down to you were born with your voice for a reason.

Your voice is healing to you.

That's why you were born with it.

It is your gift.

It is your superpower.

And so a lot of what I've been doing to rebrand, wash myself, to control the narrative to to shift the stories I heard growing up into a story I actually would rather believe.

21:40

Because that's the thing.

If you grew up believing, like Destiny's Child, that everything was possible and you could pay your own bills and you could make your own way, and you grew up like TLC believing like, I don't deserve these Dick wads.

Like I can just walk away from them because I know there's a better one around the corner.

Versus staying with someone because you think you're never going to find anyone better and putting up with their shit because you don't think you're ever going to get anything better.

22:04

Like, do you see those two different lanes?

And there are people in this world who believe one or believe the other and both are true.

It's just a matter of what you like.

People always say it's like when you show U to the universe and you're putting your order in.

22:21

Wayne Dyer has this whole thing where he's like imagine you have $1,000,000 and your job is to spend it.

So that's like your energy every day.

OK and so you walk into the mall which is like life.

You walk into the mall with your $1,000,000.

So you wake U every day with your $1,000,000 of energy and your job is to spend it.

22:44

And so you go into the mall and the first store you walk into is like all these ugly rugs or whatever and you're like these are hideous.

I do not want these in my house, but you buy them anyway.

And then you go into the next store and you buy a whole bunch of other shit because that's the first story you walked into.

23:03

And if you were raised to believe that, you know, take what you can get or take the take the first thing you can get because you know there might not be anything better like that kind of lack and fear mentality.

You're going to spend your $1,000,000 and you get home and you look at your house and you're like, why did I?

23:18

I'm surrounded by all this ugly shit that I don't want.

And it's because you said yes to the universe.

You said yes and that's why the universe is filling your home with these things because you said yes to those things.

And all we have to do to shift that is to shift the thoughts of thoughts in our head and the way we show up.

23:40

We're going to change out of our pajamas.

We're going to put on our pantsuit.

I really wish I thought of something better than a pantsuit, but we're going to change out of change out of our pajamas.

We're going to put on our pantsuit.

And we do that by changing.

We're like, we're like re brainwashing ourselves.

And I saying this not out of concept, out of practice, because I have been doing this with myself and my audio now is obsolete because I've achieved 90% of the things on this audio and the things I haven't achieved, I made the goals too big everything that I made little goals and redoing this brainwashing and talking to myself every day.

24:16

And like I talk into my water and my tea and my coffee and I absorb these things internally because again, you are water.

Let me tell you about this experiment I heard about about this rice.

OK, so they had three Mason jars, OK, And they all had rice in them, the same amount of rice, the same size Mason jar, they were identical and each jar had a label on it.

24:43

The one label said I hate you.

The one label was empty, blank and the other labels that I love you and look, this shit UI shit you not The I hate you jar was like rotten.

25:01

I forget the amount of time they let the rice sit there, but the I hate you jar was like rotten and the I love you jar was like still fine.

And like the decomposition you could see between the three of them because the the one with no label was just, they were just like 3 different steps even though they put them in at the same time and they sat for the same amount of time.

25:23

But like, you know, the I love you was thriving.

The I Hate You was like moldy.

And then the other one was like middle of the road.

And I've talked a lot about the guy, I forget his name, who did the experiments where he spoke into water and the water changed shape.

25:38

They spoke into water and they froze it.

And when it came out, they were all these different shapes in the different ice cubes depending on what they said into each of them.

And so my point is, you are mostly water and you have been trained to show up a certain way and think a certain way and behave a certain way.

25:57

And, and you, the other thing is like you go through your life and these you pick up these habits that maybe aren't serving you.

But if you don't take the time to like audit them, I guess, or at at the very least question, do I actually want this thing?

26:13

Is this habit actually helping me?

Like when I come home after a hard day of work and I doom scroll on my phone for an hour, is that actually helping me?

Because you might feel better after, because you, because what you did was you unplugged from something that upset you.

26:31

Like maybe work was upsetting that day.

Like I used to be a runner and I remember being really upset one day after I came home from work and I went for a 5K run and I ran for, I ran.

I wasn't intending to do 5K.

26:46

I ran 4 and I was still upset.

And then I ran some more and then I felt better.

And you could be a runner or you could be a doom scroller, or you could be immersed in TV.

But the point is beneath all of that, you are unplugging from the thing that upset you because you're able to, in those practices, you're able to like, reset yourself back down.

27:09

Like you're calming your nervous system by like looking at stuff on your phone or looking at TV or running or whatever your outlet is.

And you're setting yourself back up to base.

And this is what I'm talking about in today's episode is creating new base habits.

27:27

And it's not Someone Like You can steal my practices.

I'm creating a free resource.

I'm going to put the link in the show notes.

You can put your e-mail in if you're interested, and I'll send it to you when it's ready.

But the point is creating these habits, and you don't have to be someone else's habits, but like I said, you can steal mine.

27:52

But you create these new habits that are in line with the person you would rather be, that pantsuit person who's living in that other house on the 2nd floor because you've achieved your dreams.

And you know, the shoes on my feet, I bought it.

28:07

I think that's what they said in the song.

And you can change again, it's not only who you show up as, it's also the voices in your head.

28:26

You're unlearning and overriding all of those things.

And you're using your own voice to do that.

Or that that's how I'm doing it anyway.

And I just want to say like, this is not to attack anybody.

Everybody raised you, everybody who impacted you, they did the best they could at the time that they did.

28:42

You know, they can only raise you the way that they live.

They can only tell you things the way they believe them.

So like this isn't to make like an enemy out of anybody.

It it it just is the way that it is.

And if maybe you were brought into this existence, into that life with these people because you were meant to see what you don't want, Like Bashar always says that if something's happening in your life that is not something that you prefer, the reason it's there is to show you that you don't prefer that thing so you can move in another direction.

29:15

It's like the Wayne Dyer thing.

When you walk into that store and it's all these ugly rugs.

It's showing you what you don't like so you can look for something you actually do like.

It's not there to show you this is all there is.

All you can have are these hideous old moldy rugs.

29:31

That's all there is.

That's all you're good for.

That's all you're ever going to have.

No thanks.

Unsubscribe.

That's not why those things are there.

Somebody else might walk in and love those rugs.

Maybe they're not moldy, but you know, like if you don't hear those things, if you don't have someone empowering you to choose differently and you have to believe that there are other good options out there and like, stick around here.

29:57

I will tell you that there are so many options out there.

And The thing is, the evidence is there.

If you're on social media or you're watching reality TV or whatever it is and you see someone who has something you want, that is proof from the universe that it exists.

Therefore it is possible for you.

30:15

Maybe not right now if you're in your pajamas, but it is possible for you.

You just gotta brain yourself.

Brainwash yourself into believing it.

Like if you want to stand up for yourself, but no one modeled that for you, you adopted those actions and now you're that kind of person.

30:35

So we're brainwashing ourselves in the opposite direction.

Those are the kinds of things I say to myself every morning.

I'm like, everything is going to be easy and amazing today, and I'm going to recognize all these aligned opportunities today.

And uh, I am sovereign cause like I always would get like hijacked by other people's emotions.

30:59

So it's so important to me to remind myself every single day that I'm sovereign and prove to myself every single day that I am sovereign because that's part of these habits, part of the narrative in that brainwashing audio that I listen to.

It literally tells me I, I pump myself up and I tell myself these kind words every day because when you hear that and I listen to this audio twice a day.

31:23

And so you can listen to it while you're brushing your teeth or while you're in the shower or whatever.

Like you don't have to be meditating to it.

You can listen to it while you're putting on your makeup.

You've literally add it to something you're already doing and it just, it shifts those habits for you.

It's like you're not even actually doing anything.

31:40

You're just telling yourself that you do this thing and then you watch it all fall into place.

It's so crazy.

Like I said in my audio, like I am so grateful that my schedule is so fluid.

There's a, there's a structure and yet so much fluidity to my day.

31:58

Like I'm so grateful for that.

Like because that's something I wanted.

It's a small goal.

It's a step that I can take that would set me up for that staircase, climbing that staircase.

And now after hearing that for a few days, it just came to me.

32:15

Because your brain is so fucking powerful.

It is so fucking capable.

When you put an idea in front of it, it's going to figure out how to do that thing.

And so when I said I had structure and fluidity to my day, I then had this like idea of how to do that and what I needed to do in order to do that.

32:36

And then I started showing up that way, and I've been showing up that way since.

So it's just these little things that you put into this audio to tell yourself you're doing these opposite things.

You know your pajamas to your pants suit your.

You're becoming this version of you that you'd rather be because you can't keep showing U that way.

32:55

If you want a different life, You know, if you want to stand up for yourself, but you're raised for fear of confrontation, like you got to tell yourself that you're OK with confrontation, that you're, you're, you are strong and comfortable in the face of confrontation.

33:11

You, you stay calm and you know exactly what to stay in the face of confrontation.

You know, because if you go through your life saying I'm afraid of confrontation, that's not helping you.

You got to stop saying that.

You got to say it some other way.

And then the universe, and this is the asterisks, when you say I'm calm and comfortable in the face of confrontation, the universe might bring you some extra confrontation so you can practice.

33:36

Because once you practice, because this is this started happening to me too.

Once you start practicing being this person, the universe is like, OK, cool, I'll give you some of these situations because you can't avoid them forever because the whole point is that you don't want to.

33:53

You don't want to avoid them.

You just want to be able to be confident going through them.

The only way you can be confident is to show yourself that you've done it.

And once you do it once, everything becomes so much easier.

After that, they're not every single time is easy because your energy is going to fluctuate throughout the day, throughout the month, throughout the year, whatever.

34:14

But like showing yourself once that you can do something is where your power lives because that's where your nervous system is like, oh, I've done this before.

And then you believe yourself telling yourself like, hey, I can do this because you have done it.

And then you celebrate that and you really let that anchor in and you visualize yourself, your entire body as like, you know, you're updating your operating system because now you're like, oh, I've done that thing.

34:41

Because once you've done something, you know you can do it again.

It's like a kid learning how to walk.

Once they walk, they can walk because they've done it once and they just know they can do it and they do it it.

That's what you're doing.

We're just reprogramming, you know, for what you were able to do to what you can be able to do because you are so fucking powerful.

35:01

You can do anything.

You are so capable.

You can do those things like if you want to have a successful career, but your raised to believe that's not possible for Someone Like You.

You just have to start like I said with this brainwashing audio telling yourself I deserve to have a successful career.

35:19

I was born for this.

You know, like that kind of thing.

That's the kind of stuff that, you know, you put in this brainwashing audio.

I actually made this really fun way to do it where it's like a Mad Libs where I like prompt you with like your goal and then how that feels.

35:36

And you just plug it into this script and then you just say it as a voice note and then you have it on your phone and it's always with you.

You can listen to it as many times as you want and you just pump yourself up.

That's all you got to do.

It feels weird the first time, It feels weird the first time, but after that it just becomes second nature.

35:56

Just like talking to myself in the mirror.

It's really uncomfortable at first.

You look at yourself in the eyes and you're like, um, hi.

Just like when I was journaling, first time I started journaling, I was like, hi, journal, what's up?

Like I don't know what to write.

It's always awkward the first time, and then you just figure it out.

36:18

You know, I'm going to do a whole episode on this, but I've been watching Limitless with Chris Hemsworth.

There was like a second season, but like, not a second season.

It was a different show on Disney Plus.

I don't know anyway, but episode 3 was about, it starts off where he's saying about how his kids will go dirt biking and they'll go like really high off these jumps and like they don't care for their safety the way an adult does.

36:43

And I feel like as an adult, we build these inhibitors around us and it doesn't necessarily come from things that we've actually failed at.

It comes from all the external influences and everything we've been told to believe.

And also, maybe we did fail at something, but like, maybe there's something in your life that you think you're going to suck at, but you've never actually tried.

37:06

And if you've never actually tried, the evidence that you can't do something is actually not there.

Like I've never made $1,000,000.

That doesn't mean I can't.

It just means I haven't yet.

And like, if you've never actually done the thing, that doesn't mean you can't do it.

37:27

It just means you haven't done it yet.

And so a lot of our limiting beliefs come from other people's stories and beliefs.

All these limitations come from other people, and for some reason we believe them to be true even though we actually don't have physical evidence.

37:44

You know, like another example is like when you want to make a lot of money, like I was saying about the $1,000,000, but you were raised in an environment of lack, you know, maybe shopping at the thrift store because you had to, not because you wanted to.

38:02

Or you always heard we don't have the money for that.

You know, things like that.

Like you have to start reprogramming that because that becomes the default track in your mind.

Oh, we don't have the money for that.

Or like we don't want to spend money on that.

Or like, you know, and it's little things like that that help you walk up that staircase to that first goal, changing things that you hear.

38:29

And you can do that by brainwashing yourself.

Because the other way that I used to fail on this is that I would make my vision board and I would say to the universe like, OK, you know, I wanna be the CEO on Bay St.

Like I, I don't.

38:44

But like one of the CEO working downtown, I guess would be Wall Street in, in, you know, New York.

Bay Street is a very local thing for me because I, I live near Toronto.

But, um, if you wanna be like a successful person working a successful job and you know, you say that to the universe, but then you do nothing to get there.

39:10

Like I believed making the vision vision board and doing the affirmations and visualizing daily and gratitude and whatever was enough, but it's not enough because you have to take action.

39:27

And then beneath that, if you have these tracks laying in your mind, you have to change those too.

And listening to podcasts and hearing other people say it is one way of doing that.

And another way of doing that is brainwashing yourself to believe that everything is possible, because everything is possible.

39:47

You just have to get into that space so everything is possible.

It is possible for you to be that person, it just requires showing up differently.

It requires you to be who you want to become, and like I said, we do that with our voice.

40:11

Because the reality is, you can't keep being the version of you who created this life that you're unhappy in and expect to automatically feel at home in a completely different 1.

And that's part of what I do in my practice daily to becoming her like this new version of me is training like my nervous system and my energy to feel safe and comfortable in that new vibration.

40:43

Because we're living in your current life is a certain frequency.

It's like that radio example that I've used, that my mentor used.

If you turn on the radio and it's on the country station, but you actually want to listen to Rock, You have to change the dial, you have to change the receiver to pick up that other station.

41:05

That's all you're doing, but with your body.

Because what you've heard your whole life is the country station, and what you want is the rock station, but you're still playing the country station every day.

There's a huge mismatch.

And energetically, you can do that with your voice.

41:24

Your voice is a healing instrument for you.

You were literally born with it.

And one of the practices I have in my 10 Minutes to Clarity freebie that you can grab if you're looking for clarity in your life.

One of the things I recommend there, and I, I do this myself multiple times a day is chanting.

41:45

And I used to be so against it because when I think of chanting, I think of monks in a temple.

And I am not a monk in a temple.

I am woman with all these different interests just trying to live my life.

But what I learned through my sound healing training is that the vibration of your voice, of your vocal cords in your body is healing to you.

42:11

Even just that low vibration of ohm, when you have your lips closed like that, it creates A vibration.

Even just when you're speaking, it creates A vibration.

That's what I'm saying about speaking into your tea or your coffee or your water.

42:27

The guy speaking into water and freezing it.

It all has a frequency, just like a radio dial, and you are training to listen to a different frequency.

You're training yourself to use different words, to speak to yourself differently, to show up differently.

42:47

So it's your actions, but also your words.

Words have so much more power than we give them credit for.

And so I chant for 5 minutes multiple times a day.

Actually I don't do it at bedtime.

43:02

So I guess twice a day I do it when I wake up. 5 minutes, that's it. 5 minutes of Ohm and that resets your whole system.

It's, you know, if you struggle with meditation because you can't stop your brain, chanting is a good way to meditate because you don't have to stop your brain.

43:24

You're just thinking about breathing normally and ohm on the exhale.

That's it.

And that vibration calms your vagus nerve, which I think is like the longest nerve in your body or something.

I actually don't have the statistics in front of me.

43:39

And like, it's incredibly calming to your nervous system.

So if you want the stats, you can look them up and justice.

Doing something like that, it can take you out of like overwhelm and frustration and just put you back in a space where you feel calm and clear again.

43:58

So that's just one of the ways you can do it.

There are so many ways you can do it.

There are so many different ways.

You just have to find what works for you and what you actually enjoy.

Because like if it's something you don't enjoy, you're not going to do it.

Like this is the thing that the health industry is got totally backwards when it comes to like exercise, because exercise is actually so fucking good for you.

44:22

Like it regulates your hormones, especially as women, it regulates your hormones.

It gives you more, what is it?

Dopamine is the happy one.

It gives you more of the good stuff.

It helps keep everything lubricated.

It gets everything moving.

Like we are meant to be moving beings.

44:39

We're not meant to be sitting beings.

And so like the exercise is actually how we can be healthier and not healthier as in equals skinnier, healthier as in think about how your joints will be so much happier if they're moving and then maybe we have stronger muscles and then we have less like osteoporosis problems.

44:59

Like there's there are a lot of actual inherent health benefits to movement and it's not a source of beating yourself U because you had a piece of cake.

And that's the thing I feel about exercise.

45:15

It's like you have to find the thing you enjoy and then you get all these wonderful health benefits.

If you love dance, do that.

If you love walking, do that.

If you love the gym, do that.

But do it because you love it.

Don't do it because you're beating yourself up.

Like that energy of beating yourself into submission is the wrong way to show up to life.

45:36

I will die on that hill.

You need to show up to life with love.

You love yourself.

I spent and the reason I will die on this hill is because I spent most of my life hating myself and it gets you nowhere.

It leaves you stuck on that landing in your pajamas and your goals are in the other house.

45:55

You can't even get there.

Like when you show up with love and joy, anything is possible.

And so even all these practices I recommend, there are so many other ways to do it.

You just find what works for you.

Or if you don't want to, you know, search.

46:11

Do what?

Do what I've spent years curating, that works too.

But when you try and show up as a new version of you, but you're still like if you're trying to manifest this new version of you, but you're showing U as the old version of you, you're nervous system revolts because your nervous system thinks it's like it's threatening, it's not safe.

46:35

And so it keeps you stuck in your old habits.

So that's why it's so important to have this energetic layer to your daily habit practice.

So not only are you speaking to yourself this way, not only are you doing, you know, some kind of like a meditation or whatever, but that's the kind of stuff that's helping you embody the audio that you're hearing because you're actually saying to yourself, this is actually safe for me to do because your system, it, its job is to keep you safe.

47:09

And so every day you show up like your whole life has built this safety mechanism and now you're trying to tell it, well, you know, this other thing is safe too.

And you just have to teach yourself it's safe.

You brainwash yourself into the safety and you, you change that radio dial, you change that frequency, you change how you show U every day.

47:29

And that anchors everything in because you have how many years of experience living in a way that you don't love.

You have to give yourself that time.

And this is what I'm saying about the lateral moves before you can go up the staircase because you're setting this foundation so your staircase maybe doesn't collapse on your way up, you know, so that you can get to your goals.

47:51

So here's my action item list using your voice in two ways.

I touched on all of these already but almost summarized them here for you now.

And like I said, if any of this resonates with you and you want to do this with me, head to the show notes, add your name to the VIP list, and I'll e-mail you when I have a date.

48:14

We'll do this as like a seven day Sprint.

We'll do the brainwashing audio together and you'll have everything you need to go through 7 days of doing these practices multiple times a day and showing up as her.

And I've seen results from this stuff in days O That's why I'm keeping this as a seven day thing.

48:34

We're going to keep our our goals.

We're not going to do these massive goals where we're trying to jump up the staircase.

We're going to do these goals with the audio and we're going to see what happens in seven days because I've seen it work twice.

So I know it's going to work for you too.

48:51

Because like, I've got this, I've got this evidence and then we'll do it together and we're going to lay this foundation like let's fucking go.

So yeah, add your name to the VIP list if you're interested in doing this seven day Sprint with me.

And I think it will be really fun.

I want to make it fun because like I said, showing up with love and joy.

49:09

And we want to change that radio station.

We're done showing up in our pajamas.

We're done listening to I love country music.

But again, first example, pantsuit, whatever.

I'm I'm done listening to the country station.

I want to listen to the rock station.

You know, like I'm done showing up in life this way.

49:26

I'm done, you know, settling for these ugly rugs, you know, like I'm like Wayne Dyer said, like I'm done.

So what to do instead?

Step one, using your voice in two ways.

One, as a builtin sound healing instrument.

49:41

Like I said with chanting, it calms your nervous system.

It reconnects you with who you are, beneath who the world told you to be.

Because like beneath the fear, there's love, beneath the limits there's love.

And love is the vibration of creation.

49:59

I love that that rhymed.

It is the vibration.

Like if you think about how babies are made, there is love there.

So love in whatever form you want to call it, but there's love there.

And when I connect with Source, there's love there.

It's this big, beautiful, unconditional love.

50:17

And so we're using our sound, our voice as a sound healing instrument to get down to the love layer because that's where all creation is possible.

O using your voice as a sound healing instrument.

I love chanting.

You can chant ohm.

50:32

There's also like everyone has their own birth sound.

I don't have a resource for that right now, but there's a way you can like look up the earth was vibrating at a certain frequency when you were born.

And so like there's a a tone that actually is healing for you.

50:47

So you could do that, but chanting is so awesome.

I love chanting and voice vocal toning stuff is actually how I had my out of body experience.

So I am a big fan, big big fan.

51:05

And the second way to use your voice is like a brainwashing tool.

Like I said, you tell yourself that you can do things because you can.

You absolutely 1,000,000% can all your dreams are possible.

I don't just say that at the end of every episode, at the end of every e-mail, at the end of every social media post.

51:25

I truly believe it.

I believe all your dreams are possible.

And these are the foundations you need to be able to climb the staircase.

And like this seven day Sprint is the you know, you're going to be able to go up a couple layers on your staircase because you're setting well, depending on what your goals are.

51:41

But like you're setting yourself up for success.

You're changing the narrative that's been fed to you your whole life.

That's really what I mean when I say brainwashing.

O we brainwash ourselves using our voice.

And again, you can use mine.

You can listen to other people saying that everything is possible because the more you hear it, the more you believe it because there are people out there living a life that you want.

52:04

Therefore, that is the evidence that it is possible.

If it's possible for them, it's possible for you.

Step 2 is, like I said, like these daily actions like talking into my water.

52:19

Or again, this is, I guess using your voice, talking to yourself in the mirror and just telling yourself that you're amazing and pumping yourself up toot your horn.

Literally looking in the mirror and being like, I'm so proud of you.

Look at all this stuff we did today.

Hmm.

And like sometimes I'm like dancing in the mirror, like really embodying it, really pumping yourself up.

52:39

And yes, it feels weird at first, but like, who the fuck cares if someone's going to judge you?

I would rather be having fun dancing in front of the mirror than be a judgmental asshole.

You know, like if they're gonna judge me, that's their own negative energy.

52:56

I'm here living my life and they're over there building all this negative energy for themselves.

Fine, you keep that.

You go over there and I'm over here living my life and being happy.

So I don't know, try it, be somewhere alone and try it because it's awesome.

And the more you do it, the more the more you want it, the more you want to show U like that.

53:17

And I am still practicing showing up like that in front of other people.

I like I'm so human like I can do this alone.

But when I'm around someone else I limit the things I say.

So I do recognize that I'm showing up that way.

Like I said at the very beginning, you can't change your life unless you're honest with yourself.

53:34

And so you have to be honest with yourself with the way you're showing U.

And, and that's something that I learned too in these last five years after a decade of failing.

It's like you have to be honest with how you're showing up and like it's fine, however you are showing up.

You just have to be honest with yourself if you're trying to change things.

53:52

So, ah, changing how we show up daily and repeating that multiple times a day, because I, I've found that just having a morning practice is not enough because I'm so serious about changing my life.

54:10

Doing my morning practice is great, absolutely.

But I find by midday I'm disconnected again because the autopilot habits and thoughts just take over and it's fine.

That's going to happen while you're in this in between, between who you are and who you want to be.

54:25

And so I added a midday.

So like, do it on your lunch break, have your lunch and then sit with yourself for 15 minutes.

You know, do 5 sense of chanting new 5 minutes of connecting with source and, um, I forget what the other thing is, but like talking into your water and, you know, pumping yourself up and whatever.

54:45

Like you do those things to, you know, you connect first thing and then you reconnect halfway through the day and then you, pardon me, you reconnect at the end, at the end of the day before you go to bed.

That's the, that's what I'll be doing with you for seven days.

55:04

In addition to this brainwashing audio, because we're taking control of the narrative.

We've been fed a narrative that we didn't agree to our entire lives and we're taking back control of that.

We're literally hacking the system.

Like we're creating the life that we want by hacking the system.

55:20

We're using what's there.

So we're brainwashing, we're doing these habits like showing up every day.

So using your voice, brainwashing, showing up multiple times a day to remind yourself of what we're going for.

Because that's the thing I failed at.

And I know I, I feel like I started this story earlier and I didn't finish it, but like I made these habits and then I believed that, sorry, I made these goals.

55:45

And then I believed that just doing the journaling and the visualization and the gratitude and all that would be enough.

But it's not enough.

Oh no, I think I did finish that story because you have to show U with action.

56:00

I did finish that story.

It's the actions that actually make the difference.

So that's what we're doing anyway.

So the actions, the brainwashing.

Yeah.

Showing up using your voice, talking to myself in the mirror, talking into my drinks, visualizing that being absorbed into my body.

56:19

Yeah, that's what I have on my list here.

So yeah, if you want to do this with me, head to the show notes, add your name to the to the VIP list.

I'll e-mail you when we have a date.

And if you are a regular listener and this isn't your first episode, welcome back.

56:38

And we you might notice we didn't do our card reading today, and that's because I've decided to end off with an intuitive message.

We'll see how that goes.

And today I want to use this book that I would always read a passage from at the end of my sound baths.

56:57

I it's called Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie and it's 365 days of like inspirational messages.

And every time I would open one up at the end of the sound bath, it always just felt so fitting.

And I haven't done a sound bath in a while.

57:12

I haven't felt called to do them.

So this I miss pulling a passage from the book and so I just opened up a page and Oh my God, of course also I pulled it up to my own birthday.

57:29

So how fun is that?

But the message for today?

Awaken your healing powers.

This is so fucking fitting.

I love this so much.

From the traditional to the alternative, healers and healing energy can take many forms.

57:47

Masseuses, hypnotists, chiropractors, medical doctors, herbalists.

Each may have a touch of healing to bring to us at just the right time and place.

But the power to transmit healing isn't limited to those who work in hospitals or have mastered the ancient Chinese art of acupuncture.

58:04

We each have the power to transmit healing energy to others and ourselves.

Regardless of our profession, we each have the ability to awaken that power and use it in the world around us through our chosen field of work.

The man at the deli knows his customer's names and the details of their lives, then greets them with a warm, sincere and healing smile.

58:25

The woman who decorates homes takes time to get to know each other, sorry to know enough about her clients so that the colours and objects in the home reflect where they are on the spiritual paths.

Friends and family members heal by using their gifts of intuition and speech to gently encourage and empower their gift of thought, transmit healing messages and their gift of touch to rub a stiff neck or shoulder.

58:48

There are many ways each of us can creatively figure out how to incorporate and channel our healing powers into our daily life.

See your favorite healers when you need to on your path.

Be open to discovering new healers and combinations of practices that work for you, but don't limit who can bring healing into your life.

59:07

Remember that you're a healer, too.

Healing energy is the energy of love.

Learn to let it flow through you.

Is that not the perfect way to wrap up today's episode?

Like, come on, I, that's literally what I've been saying.

59:25

You have this power.

It is your voice and you can use it to create the life you want.

All you have to do is learn how to do it.

And I've learned how to do it and I can help you do it.

And that is I, this is my life healing mission to heal others and teach others that they have this healing power within them.

59:43

Let's fucking go.

So thank you for listening today.

Remember all your dreams are possible and I will see you in the next one.

Bye.