68. How to come home to yourself when your body has never felt like home
Have you ever heard the phrase “come home to yourself” and thought, That sounds beautiful—but how the F do I actually do that when I’ve never felt at home in myself to begin with? In this episode, I’m sharing what being disconnected from yourself can look like in everyday life. We’re talking about people-pleasing, self-trust, confidence, boundaries, and why learning who you are might require getting comfortable with disappointing people, and even going the “wrong” way sometimes. I’m also walking you through the simple four-step formula I used to begin reconnecting with myself so you can stop outsourcing your life and start building a relationship with the person whose opinion matters most: you.
In this episode, we explore:
What “coming home to yourself” actually means when you’ve never felt connected to who you are
How pushing through overwhelm can disconnect you from your body and your needs
The everyday signs that you’ve outsourced your choices and decision-making to other people
Why asking everyone for advice can weaken your self-trust and confidence
How people-pleasing, fear of criticism, and fear of being selfish keep you disconnected from yourself
Why putting your own needs first is necessary—not wrong
How to make decisions without needing everyone else to agree with you
Why making the “wrong” choice can still help you discover what is right for you
What sovereignty, self-trust, independence, and inner confidence look like in real life
My four-step formula for reconnecting with yourself through awareness, daily commitment, self-connection, and joy
How to start listening to your body, mind, emotions, soul, energy, and source
Why experimenting, playing, and changing your mind are essential parts of finding your joy
TRANSCRIPT
0:00
If you've ever heard the phrase come home to yourself or return to yourself and it feels true to you and like something you want to do, but you have no idea where to start, this episode is for you.
You are not alone.
0:16
In today's episode, we're exploring how this shows U in your life, and I'm giving you the exact first steps I used when I first realized that I didn't know who the FBI was.
So grab a drink and get comfy because today we're lighting the way back home.
0:35
The secret to living a happy life is actually pretty simple.
You just need to learn to hear, trust, and follow your inner guidance above anything else.
But the problem is a lot of us, myself included.
Hi, I'm Carolina by the way.
0:51
We live in our heads or we're super emotional.
We're following someone else's rules, standards, or beliefs unintentionally, and we're not hearing the guidance properly, if at all.
This show is about aligning your energy, learning to hear your inner guidance louder than your mind, and having the courage to say no thanks.
1:11
Unsubscribe to anything that doesn't match that.
I'm doing this exact thing in my life and I believe all our dreams are possible for us if we follow this simple formula.
Welcome to the No Thanks Unsubscribe podcast.
1:37
Hello, hello, hello and welcome, welcome.
Welcome to today's episode.
This episode is so near and dear to my heart because I didn't know that I didn't know myself.
Like growing up, I saw people like Pink who were like going against the grain and being themselves and being unique.
1:58
And then people like Lady Gaga, who were like, so themselves and so different.
And I really resonated with that whole like, find yourself, be yourself, be unapologetically yourself vibes.
2:15
But I didn't know how to do that, and I didn't know that I didn't know who I was.
It's such a complicated mess.
But if you're here, maybe you feel the same.
And I've spent the last, I guess, 6:00-ish, almost six years trying to figure out who that is.
2:38
And on the one hand, I'm so, so grateful that I've had the time to be able to do that.
And I've had the dedication to put into that because it's completely changed my life.
And then also, there's a part of me that feels so sad that I wasn't able to properly find myself when I was younger, when I think a lot of us could do really well from full, unapologetic self-expression.
3:12
But I think our society being what it is, we compare ourselves to others and that can make us feel like we have to behave a certain way.
And our parents, teachers, mentors, etcetera are always telling us how to be and who to be and what to do and how to behave and how to act and how to fit into society.
3:39
And a lot of that can cloud and over shadow who we are because maybe we're being loud and society is telling us not to be loud High.
That happened to me all the time.
I still feel that way.
3:55
I started chanting with like every single day with my resets and I've been resetting 3 times a day and I hear a voice in my head saying that I shouldn't be loud.
4:10
You know, meditating is quiet.
It's a nice quiet activity.
But chanting I want to fully chant.
I want the sound to move through my body.
And that's not to say I'm yelling, but I'm making noise where meditation is silent.
4:27
And so I hear that voice like you need to be quiet.
Well, that's not me.
That's not my self-expression.
That's a learned belief.
Oh my gosh, I heard the funniest thing today.
Belief thief.
Like I ain't no belief thief like that's your belief.
4:44
I ain't no belief thief like I'm not stealing your belief.
I thought that was so funny, ha.
I love a good rhyme, a little rhyme rhyme moment, but like be I think that's so fitting.
It's like all our lives we've been belief thiefs, we've taken other people's beliefs and that's the whole thing that I do on this show.
5:06
Through all the iterations and name changes, it's all been the whole point has always been to find your inner guidance and to listen to that and to let go to no thanks, unsubscribe to other peoples thoughts and beliefs that we've picked up as our own and maybe we haven't realized it and that's fine.
5:29
That's totally normal.
It's probably part of the experience.
Like it's such a blessing to get to learn who I am, and I know that's going to grow and evolve as we go through life.
But when you're first starting out, what do you do?
5:45
Where do you go?
That's what we're going to be talking about today.
So before we go more into it, what do you have to drink?
I am drinking the new tea that I got for the Sunday reset because the whole Sunday reset, if you've been around for a while, is evolved into a ritual, which is exactly what I do every single day to come back to myself, to come back to my soul, to come back to my intuition.
6:11
So why the heck not turn it into its kind of like a mini retreat.
It's it's an hour to, you know, come back to yourself if you want to join.
I do them once a month.
The next one is August 23rd because by the time this episode comes out you will have missed the July 19th one when sad face.
6:35
But that's OK.
I do them once a month.
It's so beautiful.
We do a tea ceremony to absorb your intentions because the water.
I've talked about this before and I think it is so fucking cool.
Water has like when you speak into water and you freeze it, it will change shape.
6:57
So like your words have this vibration.
And I believe, and I've heard other people say this too, that when you speak into your water, you're speaking loving kindness into that and then you're absorbing it.
So we're doing that at the Sunday Reset.
And I went to my local health food store because the grocery store didn't have great selection of tea and my health food store had like a whole fucking aisle of tea.
7:20
It was a little overwhelming, to be honest.
There were so many options.
There was like a box of tea for $5 and then a box of tea for $15 and I was like, I don't know the difference in these T's.
I won't know until I I try them.
Like I did my intuitive thing where I hold the box and feel into my intuition, but I ended up with a tea that it's a lemon ginger and so I'm trying it here before the reset for the first time.
7:53
Live with you on air.
Hmm, that's really good.
I think I'll steep it a little bit longer.
I like a stronger tea.
I put a little bit of honey in it, so it's lemon and ginger.
8:08
It said there was a little bit of a hibiscus flower in there and it's caffeine free.
Because the Sunday reset is currently at 6:00 PM, I kind of want to move it to like a 3:00 PM.
I've always wanted it in the afternoon like a 2 or a three.
8:24
But the place that I have, I can only do 6 because there's a robotics class next door and like I went during the day and it's way too loud.
So anyway, caffeine free.
This is delicious.
This is delightful.
Let's speak a little intentions.
8:41
You are beautiful, you are kind, you are a bad ass boss babe.
Let's go.
Yes, I love that for me.
8:57
I love that for you.
I love that for us.
Let's go anyway.
The link to the Sunday reset will be in the show notes if you're interested in joining and you can join the live stream if you can't come IRL.
AKA in person.
9:16
OK, now another piece that I've added to the Sunday reset that I've started doing on the show that I love so much that I also started doing as a weekly newsletter, like a weekly guidance thing.
9:31
If you want that, I can put the link to that in the show notes too.
And you can join my mailing list and you will receive what I'm calling the weekly reset.
And I just like pull a card and get this intuitive guidance and give you a little bit of prompts to reset your week.
9:53
There's nothing in it.
There's no sales in it.
It's pure love of giving, love of intuition, love of guidance, love that for us.
So we're going to use for today's card pull.
10:10
We are going to use the same universe as your back deck.
What does the collective need to hear today?
Spirit?
10:29
Oh Nope, that's not it.
No, this one feels exciting.
All right, I choose to learn through love.
10:51
Ah, how beautiful is that.
I choose to learn through love.
Hmm.
What does that mean to you?
When you hear that, what are you feeling?
11:09
What are you thinking?
For me, I kind of feel like it means that there's always a benefit to everything, even if it's something you don't want.
11:29
I follow the teachings of Bashar.
If you've heard of him, I've talked about him on the show before and he says that there's always a way that anything that's happening in your life, there's a way that it's happening for you.
11:48
And I know in the Woo community, they often will say things like, no, you get to do this.
You get to do dishes, you get to do laundry.
Some people don't have clothes to wear, some people don't have food to eat, some people don't have running water.
12:04
And I don't think that's the right way to look at it.
I feel like it's more the kind of thing where like, I got blindsided by divorce and that fucking sucked.
12:20
Like honoring your human experience, but then also, and again, this is the kind of thing that you look at in hindsight.
You don't think about it in the moment.
In the moment you're like in fix it mode, you're like, OK, where do I go next?
What do I do?
12:37
And I think from my situation now, hindsight being two years later, I can see how much deeper I got in connection with myself.
And I wouldn't have had that in that marriage because of the way things had gone, because of who I I was and who he was.
12:58
And I've been kind of put through the ringer in the past two years in many different ways.
And I feel like it was a gift in the sense that you, I heard this expression too, like in the darkness is when you can see the light.
13:19
Like when it's dark and you light a candle, you can see it so much brighter than when the lights are on.
And my entire life got really dark.
13:34
And I think it's because, Oh my gosh, I feel, I feel like I want to cry.
My life got so dark and in that darkness I was able to burn bright and I was able to find my inner flame.
13:55
And that doesn't make what happened easier and that doesn't make it OK.
But I think when Bashar says to find a way to look at what you've gone through and choose it in a way that you prefer, like that's how I prefer to look at this.
14:17
I look at it like a gift that I was able to find my inner flame and I saw that through the darkness.
And so when I hear this card saying I choose to learn through love, that's how I can learn and take that lesson and put a loving lens on it.
14:42
And if there's anything that you've been going through in your life where you feel like maybe something is weighing on you, maybe something it you're resenting something, maybe there's someone that you can't forgive, that is absolutely valid.
15:00
That is 100% our human experience.
And for your own piece, For your own freedom, is there a way that you can look at it through love?
Like, is there a way or can you create a way?
15:17
Can you create a new way to look at your circumstance, whatever it may be, and is there a way that it's actually could be used in a way that you prefer?
That is where I think we get that that freedom, because things that are weighing on us create inner turmoil.
15:44
They create cloudiness.
They block us from our intuition.
I believe and then we're not fully living the way we could and I don't know about you, but I would rather go through life.
16:00
Hay, I've heard this expression to a cortisol addiction.
So people who are constantly complaining, people who are constantly upset at life can create like 1/4 they could creates cortisol in the body.
16:16
And we all know cortisol is like a stress response.
It's like bad for us and we can be addicted to that feeling and maybe you notice yourself.
This was my case anyway.
I grew up around people like that and it became my natural response too, because that's who I was around all the time.
16:39
And I didn't know any different.
I didn't know someone who was, you know, hippie woo who was like happy a lot of the time, who had rainbows shining out their ass.
Like I didn't have people in my circle like that.
And it makes sense because people who people who want to complain want to be around other people who want to complain because it makes them feel comfortable because that's what they're used to.
17:03
And then it creates this almost like an addiction response.
Anyway, if you are aware of that like I was, and you want to get out of it like I did, I think it starts with us.
It starts with us finding our inner peace.
17:22
Finding like the tips I'm going to talk about later in this episode, finding who we are, finding our intuition, connecting with that, coming back to that so that when other people are in that stress response, it doesn't bother us.
Like this happened to me for the first time last night.
17:41
I normally it plays out where someone would complain and I would feel their emotions because I'm empathic that way.
I would feel their emotions and then I would go into management mode where I'd need, I would need to fix their feelings in order for me to feel better.
18:01
But that's kind of a backwards way to look at it because their human experience is allowed to exist the same way my human experience is allowed to exist.
And they can go through whatever they want to go through and I can go through whatever I want to go through.
18:16
And they don't have to rely on each other.
And so when someone else is complaining, they're allowed to and I'm allowed to stay calm.
And that's easy to know in your mind, but it's not as easy to have in practice.
18:36
And for the last two weeks, I have been practicing resetting 3 times a day.
Once when I wake up, once in the middle of the day to like realign my energy, and once before bed.
And last night, someone went off the rails.
And someone who normally would derail every single time, No matter how much therapy I went through, no matter how many techniques I had, this technique actually worked.
19:05
They went off the rails.
And I was so at peace because I kept coming back to myself every day for the past two weeks that when they went off the rails, I noticed I stayed calm and they were freaking out and I was OK.
19:21
And I realized it probably 3/4 of the way through the conversation.
And I was shocked because I didn't have to do anything.
I didn't have to think of a technique.
I didn't have to manage anything.
19:36
I didn't have to talk myself off a ledge.
I didn't have to validate my human experience.
Because normally I would sit there and be like, it's OK that you're freaking out.
You know, you feel uncomfortable because you have this like enmeshed response and that didn't happen.
19:52
And like holy fuck how liberating that feels.
All because I came back to my intuition 3 times a day.
And like that's the thing when someone says come home to yourself or return to yourself.
20:08
And you're like, well, I don't know who I am.
OK, that's fine.
But then also it's building a relationship.
It's just like building a relationship with someone new.
You have to spend the time getting to know them.
And how I do that is literally sitting with my energy and getting familiar with my energy.
20:26
And I do it in a lot of different ways, but I can't, I can't get into it right now.
I don't have my list open, but I have many different checkpoints that work for me.
And there are so many ways that you can do it.
20:41
That's why all these different modalities exist.
That's why sound healing exists, or like breathwork exists, or meditation exists, or Reiki exists.
It all has its own place because not everything resonates with every person.
Not everything works with every person.
20:58
That's totally OK.
Anyway, as per usual, I've gone off on a huge tangent and that's OK.
We love ourselves just as we are.
Let's take a sip of our drinks and we are going to take our sound healing break because I haven't done that yet.
21:23
Today I have pulled the Earth Star Fork.
It is actually one of the tools I use every single day.
I do it for my midday reset.
I spent 15 minutes coming back to myself every day midday.
21:40
I can remember this OK, I don't need my list so I do 5 minutes of chanting.
I chant om like the the ohm, you know, like the traditional chant.
Also with fun fact, I've probably talked about this on the show before, is that the earth, everyone has a unique tone that's healing for them.
22:04
The earth was vibrating at a certain frequency, like everything was vibrating at a certain frequency when you were born.
And that frequency is what's healing for you.
There's like a whole chart and like a way to look it up and I'll find a way to put it on my website.
I don't have anything right now.
22:20
I'm so, so, so sorry.
But I found it.
I read about it in a book and then I found a thing online and I used the book and the website to like link it all together and find my tone.
Anyway, so I chant ohm and my tone, which is T like tea.
I'm drinking tea like tea, but it's more like TI, not tea and not TI like the wrapper.
22:39
Oh my goodness.
Anyway, I chant for 5 minutes.
I use this fork for 5 minutes because if you follow me on social, I was like panicking a couple weeks ago and I detached myself from the situation and I used this fork for 5 minutes and the panic went away.
22:58
So this fork, I feel like it clears the noise and brings you back to you, which is the whole point of the episode.
That's why we're using this fork today.
So I do that for 5 minutes and then I do, Oh yeah, the Oprah thing.
I've been doing the Oprah thing twice a day.
23:14
Apparently she's done this meditation every day for years.
And all you do is you tune to the frequency of gratitude.
It's not like gratitude for a thing, it's gratitude in general.
So what I do is like, I think of something, well, I don't have to do this now, but when I started it was like, I think about something I'm grateful for.
23:33
And then you feel what that feeling is.
And then you're basically just looking for that feeling again.
And once you find it, you tune to it.
And like, it was so fucking hard at first.
I kept like finding it and losing it and finding it and losing it.
I couldn't do 5 finding it and losing it, finding it and losing it.
23:50
It was so hard anyway.
But now I hold it for 5 minutes and it feels so big and it feels so awesome and it's basically you're like like I was saying about tuning to the frequency of complaining.
This is you tuning to the frequency of gratitude instead.
And I really, I know we are vibrational beings.
24:08
We are made-up of atoms.
Atoms are vibrating.
That's what it if you talk to a scientist and you look at our look at your hand under a huge microscope, you will see a whole bunch of atoms vibrating.
We are not actually solid matter.
We are a whole bunch of atoms vibrating.
24:24
So we are vibrating.
The earth is vibrating, everything is vibrating.
The electricity in your walls are vibrating.
You just don't know it.
Everything is vibrating.
We are vibrational beings.
I truly believe that if we tune to the frequency of the things we prefer, that's how you manifest.
24:40
It's less about getting things, it's more about tuning.
Like my old mentor would say, everything is currently available to you.
It's hidden in plain sight.
And by that it's like if you've ever had an old radio where you have to physically tune the dial to find the station you want.
24:58
And you're like tuning.
And you're like, oh, there's some country music, I'm going to keep going.
Oh, there's some rock music, I'm going to keep going.
I'm looking for the pop station.
And then you eventually get to the pop station and you have to like finagle it a little bit to find the actual.
You're like, oh, there's the best frequency for this.
25:16
That's how our bodies work.
We've like in my situation where I was telling that story, like I grew up around this vibration of complaining and it just is what it is.
And like a vibration of lack and a vibration of wanting and not having.
25:32
Those are vibrations.
And then there are people like probably the Gates family.
I don't know, I don't know them, but like they're like tuned to this frequency of abundance and everything works out for them and they're so creative and they have all these things and they have all these people that they can help.
And now they have these charities and blah, blah, blah.
25:48
Like they're tuned to those frequencies.
And so tuning to this frequency of gratitude like twice a day, it's like it's, it's almost like this, it feels similar to love and it's kind of close to excitement.
It's just this, I don't know, like the more I'm tuning to this frequency, the more I'm learning about it and it just feels really good.
26:12
O yeah, 5 minutes of chanting, 5 minutes of this tuning fork, 5 minutes of that, and then, yeah, I have these other three tuning forks I use for a quick little shush.
Um, and that's what I do every day.
26:28
And I feel actually the other day it was so funny.
I was so tired and I did this and it was better than coffee.
I was like, how did this give me so much life?
Probably because we're tuning to our inner frequency, our inner, I don't know, our life force like that is who we are.
26:49
Let's go.
Anyway, We'll take a mid episode sound healing break right now.
So if you are driving, do not close your eyes.
If you are walking, don't close your eyes.
You want to walk into stuff, be responsible.
You do you.
27:04
You are sovereign over your own choices.
Be responsible.
OK, so before we get started, we're going to start noticing our breath.
Just notice it going in and out of the body.
Don't change anything.
27:29
And now we're going to take a deep breath in through the nose and exhale through the mouth.
Again, inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth.
27:54
Last one, inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth.
Now go back to just noticing your breath.
Feel the support of gravity.
28:14
Feel the weight of your body, maybe on your feet or on your butt if you're sitting, tuning into that and just keeping tuned into that as this frequency washes over you for 5 minutes.
33:54
As we come back into the space, I invite you to wiggle your fingers and toes.
If your eyes were closed, gently open them.
34:12
Reorient yourself to the space around you and maybe take a sip of that drank and speak more into it.
I am so connected to myself.
I am more connected now than I have ever been.
34:32
I choose to follow my intuition and do life from this place because that is my life's purpose.
That is why we're here, this lifetime.
Let's fucking go.
Hmm.
34:51
This tea is so good.
I made a good choice.
Pat on the back.
Thank you intuition.
I actually had this idea the other day.
I heard this video a long time ago where this girl was like, give a name to your like mind that is making those crazy thoughts so that it's easy to be like, oh, that's just Steve, like being Steve.
35:14
You know, I forget what her name was, but I was like, oh, I want to make a name for my intuition because then I can speak to it instead of saying, oh, my intuition or my soul or my spirit or whatever you want to call it.
I think it would be so cool to have a name.
35:29
And this morning the name revealed itself to me.
I, I love things like I said, I love rhyming and I love alliterations.
And so like, for example, my phone, it's an iPhone, I call it Isabel, the iPhone.
And my computer, it's a MacBook Air.
35:46
And so I call it Melba, the MacBook.
And I had a MacBook before and it was Melba then.
So this is also Melba.
All my Macbooks are going to be called Melba because I like that name.
I don't know.
Melba Toast.
I don't know.
It's fun and Isabelle the iPhone, but then all my iPhones have been Isabel, which gets confusing with AirDrop and stuff.
36:05
But anyway, today my intuition revealed her name to me and it, it was the biggest intuitive ping I've ever had.
It, it felt so big that I was like, OK, OK, I get it.
36:23
And then afterwards I thought about it and I was like, no, I'm really trying to allow my feelings to expand because I truly believe that we think some feelings are going to be painful, but when you let them expand and get big, they're not actually painful.
And like, yeah, sure, you stub your toe.
36:40
That shit's painful.
That's not what I mean.
I mean, like, we think sadness is painful, but sadness in and of itself is not painful.
The belief that we have that sadness is painful is actually the thing that's painful.
The belief is the pain and so I apologize to you intuition name to be revealed in a few seconds that I shushed you because we ain't no shushing around here.
37:08
Anyway, the name that revealed itself to me was Iduna.
IDUNA Iduna which is the name of the mother in Frozen.
The Elsa and Anna's moms name is Aduna.
37:27
And I love frozen too so much.
It's my favorite Disney movie.
I will die on this hill.
I love this movie so much.
I also love Moana, but Frozen 2 specifically, I feel like Elsa's on this journey, exactly what this episode is about, where she's literally trying to, she was told her whole life that she had to quiet who she was.
37:48
She had to literally conceal it.
Don't feel it.
Don't let it show.
That's what they said to her when she put the gloves on when she was a child.
And I get that it's a movie, but like, how many of us have had that same kind of experience where like you've been told not to express or be who you are because it's just not OK?
38:08
And so like, that's Elsa's journey.
And maybe that's why I've resonated with also so much, but Frozen 2 specifically where she's like, you know what?
I'm the queen.
And like I'm supposed to be the queen by human standards by my birth.
Like that's what I'm supposed to be.
But like I am not meant to be in a city.
38:26
I meant to be like, I have all these powers.
Like I still don't feel authentic.
Like I'm going to go find I'm hearing this voice.
And that's what our intuition is.
It's this voice.
And spoiler alert, if you've never seen Frozen 2, when she gets to where she's going Else is there all by herself and she's sings this song that makes me cry every time.
38:48
And that's the truth in it.
And she hears this voice and she's like, are you the one I've been looking for?
And the voice is singing back to her.
And it's her mom singing the voice and her mom Iduna.
And she's like, you are the one you've been waiting for.
39:03
And that's what I feel, not from the relational standpoint, but from the, um, intuition standpoint.
You're the one you've been waiting for.
The intuition is literally there to say listen, listen, listen to your heart.
39:21
Like, like literally.
And I looked up the meaning of Aduna and it's so fucking perfect.
It's so perfect.
I don't again.
I wrote it in my journal this morning I don't have because it came to me during my morning practice, my morning reset, my morning ritual.
And like, I don't have my notes here, but it was so fucking perfect.
39:38
It was so amazing.
Anyway, do you notice my intuition?
And I decided to go with Mike for my mind because like my brother's named Steve.
So like fucking MMM, just being Mike.
And I heard this analogy.
It's like if you are going through life and you want to be abundant, let's say you want to have $1,000,000 and you want to believe that you're going to have $1,000,000.
40:04
Imagine yourself, it's like you're walking down a hallway, let's say like a corridor with all these doors and all these thoughts coming at you like you can't do it.
You can't believe that you can't do this.
Who are you to do that?
You should be quiet.
Like all those thoughts and beliefs because we're not belief thiefs.
40:22
They actually belong to other people.
So maybe it's an apartment corridor and all these people are in their own apartments living their own lives.
And their doors are open and they're just shouting at you.
And you can choose to walk into their apartment and belief thief or you keep going towards that door that says you're a millionaire.
40:39
You keep going towards that reality that you actually want.
That's your door.
You're walking towards your door and you know your door is there.
You're getting to your door.
Everything is there.
It's your door.
You have the key, it's yours.
It's already yours.
40:55
You're just on your way to that door.
It's you're just walking down the hall.
It's coming, you know, maybe you don't know how long the hallway is, but it's there.
It's yours.
It's already yours and you don't have to listen to these people with their doors open because it's not yours.
41:11
I love that.
I'm so glad I got to share that.
Shout out to you Mystic.
I follow her on Instagram and she does tarot readings every morning and I love her energy.
I love her vibe.
She literally gives me life.
I do my practice, I eat my breakfast, I drink my coffee, I check Instagram to look for Mystics post.
41:29
That's my morning ritual.
Anyway, getting back to the point of this episode and I have to share a story.
Last weekend was the first time that I've spent the entire day only letting Iduna decide.
41:47
And it was so exhausting because you're not doing things the way you used to.
But I have to say, I had to shop for a bunch of stuff for the newly revamped ritual, for the Sunday reset.
And like I said, the tea and all that stuff.
And I don't regret any of my purchases.
42:03
Even though I bought some stuff that I'm like, this doesn't work.
I still don't feel like I made any mistakes.
And I used to, I would go with a list and be like, I'm going to buy this thing and this thing and this thing and this thing.
And I would buy those things.
And then I would hesitate and be like, did I do the right thing?
Did I buy the right thing?
42:19
Is this going to work?
Blah, blah, blah.
But I walked through all the stores.
I made a list of what things I thought could work because I was at this like mall where it was like there was a Dollar Tree, there was Michaels, there was actually a kitchen stuff plus.
42:35
And then there was Value Village and then the grocery store was there and all this stuff was in the One Plaza.
And so I, I was in that Plaza for hours because I walked through all the stores and I looked at the stuff and then I went back again.
42:51
And I like my process is like touch things and feel into my intuition.
And like, if she's saying yes, my energy is expanding and it feels kind of tingly and I feel really lit up.
And that's how I know it's the right thing.
And those are the only things I bought.
And halfway through my experience before I went through the 2nd time, I had to go to the car and lay down.
43:10
It was exhausting.
I felt so overwhelmed.
But honoring your body's experience and honoring your intuition and honoring those things and like my default used to be pushing through and like, how disconnecting is that to override your body's literally saying, hey, I need to lie down and to not honor that.
43:30
And to override it is actually really, I don't know, almost like root to yourself.
Your body's like, Hey, I really need this break and you're like, suck it up.
Like how many times have you heard that in your life, belief thief?
Like how many times have you heard that?
Like that's not us.
43:45
That's just what we, those are the habits that we're playing out for us that are not ours.
So that's what creates not knowing yourself because it creates this disconnect of like, well, my body saying this thing, but I need to act this way.
But that's entirely the exact definition of being disconnected from yourself because your intuitive wisdom is like, hey, I need to lay down and you're like, Nope.
44:07
And then you're just overriding it.
And I truly believe that's when diseases and stuff happen because your body is like, OK, well, I need to get your attention in other ways for you to you to relax or you to lay down.
That's when people like freaking pass out or like people get these terminal illnesses because their body's been asking them for years to take a break and they just don't.
44:28
They just push through and like when you're always looking to others for answers, you're not listening to your internal wisdom.
And that was my problem too.
Like I would want to make a choice or something would happen in my life.
Same with the complaining.
It's like, Oh my gosh, I have to tell everybody.
44:45
And then it's like I get to retell the story 10 times and fuel the cortisol addiction.
And, you know, maybe I need to make a choice from that and I get to relive the cortisol addiction.
And then I still don't know what choice to make because I've now got 10 different opinions and none of them are listening to my own intuition.
45:00
I'm just hearing everybody else's opinion and like none of that is connecting to me.
And so like that really disconnects you because you have no concept of what it's like to ask yourself or what it feels like, what the answers are because your whole life you've been looking to other people and asking other people and outsourcing your decision making.
45:23
And it, it just causes this distrust inside you.
And that's what I found at 1st.
And, and someone told me to like, start off with like do testing it out with food because you know what food you like, what food you crave.
45:40
Like sometimes if there was like 5 things to choose from, my mouth will water and I'll know that's the right one because I'm like, well this one obviously sounds the best.
And like we use these expressions too.
I think this or this sounds the best.
45:55
But all of that is mental.
And like I tried for a while to be like this feels the best.
Because then that gives your intuition the autonomy Because it's not Mike, it's not your head, it's your intuition.
It's, you know, Induna or whatever name you want to choose to give your intuition.
46:15
And like at first, when I first started this journey, I was asked what brings me joy.
And so if I ask you what brings you joy, do you have an answer?
Cause like, I didn't, I was doing mindset coaching five years ago and she was like, do the things that bring you joy.
46:32
And I started crying.
I was like, I don't know what that is.
I was lost in life doing what other people wanted to do because they didn't want to be left out and I wanted to be included and nobody liked the things I liked.
I liked fantasy movies and I wanted to go to some kind of like dress U like kind of thing and like I liked anime and like, I liked pop music and like everybody in my life, like rock music and like, I just didn't feel like anybody had the interest that I did.
47:05
And there were very few people that wanted to like go to the movies with me and stuff.
And so like I I started getting interested in sports and stuff and like that's not me.
So then when I was asked what brings you joy, I was like I don't know anymore because I was only doing what other people wanted.
47:23
It's the same with the freaking World Cup.
I feel like I ended U watching that because my boyfriend was so obsessed on betting on teams.
Mexico was his team.
He's got a bet on Mexico and they did well for him for a while.
You know, But I don't know, I'm just not into it.
47:40
And that's OK.
But like finding the things that bring you joy, you have to literally try things like I really want to go rock climbing.
I did it when I lived in BC and I'm going to do it again one day.
Not right now.
I was waiting till my toe got better because you need those to rock climb.
47:58
My toes still kind of.
It's better.
I can walk, thank goodness.
But like, the toenails kind of weren't.
Anyway, we're not talking about feet, sorry if that's trigger for you.
Find the things that bring you joy like you're you're lost in the doing of life and you never took the time to figure out the things that bring you joy.
48:18
And like I said, taking on other people's interests, like blending in, like what's something that you would really want to do and how can you do that?
There's so many different ways to do things, especially now with online.
You can do so much stuff.
48:33
You can't rock climb online, but like you can do a lot of stuff online that you couldn't before.
Like coming to the Sunday reset.
You can do that online.
You don't have to live where I live to come.
You know, that's the cool thing about online.
And like the other way this shows up for me, the disconnected is not being able to relax until, if there's something on my mind that has to get done, I can't relax until that thing has to get done because I will have this nagging like it's just always there.
49:05
And it's just like, oh, I just want to get this out of the way so that I can relax.
But like the outside things are running you and like that's still a problem for me.
I don't know how to fix that.
But like I know these outside things are creating pressure for me and that is not in alignment with my intuition.
49:25
That's the outside things affecting me.
And then other ways this plays out in like habits.
It's like your reaction is to put other people first.
Like that other story I said where like my reaction was to manage the other person's emotions.
49:42
Like that's not knowing yourself or knowing your needs.
That's managing other peoples because you've learned that that's what you need to do to be safer, to get love.
And then they get to influence your choices because that's just the habit that's been playing out.
49:59
That's not who you are, that's not your like, that's your default mode, but that's not true to you.
And then like I said about this stuff getting done, like your list influences your piece.
It's like you can't find peace until your stuff is done.
But there's always going to be stuff to do always.
50:19
There's always more laundry, there's always more dishes.
There's always the grass is always growing.
Your hair is always growing, like things always need tending.
Your nails are always growing, like there's always things to do.
People always need to eat.
You always got to cook food.
You always got to get drinks.
50:36
Speaking of, let's take a sip.
My tea is cold now.
That's OK, it's still delicious and no wonder you're disconnected.
Everything is outside of you and you don't know where to start with feeling at home in yourself because everything you've done is outside of you.
51:00
Everything you've done is about other people, and that's OK.
Awareness.
I always say this awareness is the first step.
So like you, your body never felt at home to begin with because you never learned how.
51:20
Then it's OK.
Awareness is the first step.
You can't change something that you don't know.
So I like flipping the narrative.
I always, I always say, what if in the other direction.
So if you're afraid of being seen as selfish because maybe you've always done what other people want to do, or if someone's like, where do you want to eat?
51:43
And you're like, I don't care where do you want to eat?
You pick like maybe you don't want to be seen as selfish or you don't want to feel uncomfortable.
Like if you really like Japanese food and the other person really likes American burgers, like you don't want to feel like the other person is suffering because you made your choice.
52:01
You want to be seen as selfish.
Well, what if they actually love it?
What if that's the aligned choice?
What if they have the autonomy to say no after they're like, where do you want to eat?
52:16
And you're like Japanese.
Maybe their intuition gets to ping off of yours.
Maybe if you're like, I really want sushi and they're like, I'm not really feeling sushi.
That is not an effect on you.
Or maybe you end up going to the food court and they can have sushi and you can have a burger.
52:33
Like it's OK.
You're not like, maybe they don't think you're selfish.
Maybe they think you're an empowered badass because you actually know what you want.
And maybe that'll inspire them to know more about what they wanted, to connect more with themselves.
52:51
Maybe you ask other people a bunch of questions and outsource because that's all you know.
But maybe you're also kind of afraid if you tune into your intuition, that you're going to be doing the wrong thing or going the wrong way.
And that is absolutely fair.
I've totally felt that.
53:07
But what if there are no wrong ways?
Like what if the direction that you go in actually teaches you a bunch of things that bring you joy?
And maybe it's not the direction you wanted to go in for whatever thing you're trying to go in, but like you end U finding XY that helps you later down the road.
53:28
Like I truly believe that there are no wrong ways and there are no wrong things because in that sense, I believe there's like divine timing and divine execution.
And what if that is the case?
And what if there are no wrong ways?
53:44
And what if everything you learn is exactly what you need to learn and it's going to make you the best you you can be?
What if everything is divinely orchestrated and you actually don't have to worry about it and you can just let that shit go and maybe you're afraid of being criticized.
54:03
I know that's something that I the reason, one of the reasons why I would ask everyone their opinion is because I was afraid of doing something and I would get judged.
I would get criticized or people would talk about me behind my back.
But again, what if, what if they do?
54:19
Big deal.
That's their shit.
You know, as long as you're being true to you, like those people talking shit about you, do you really want them in your life anyway?
And like, if they're talking shit about you, that says everything about them and nothing about you.
And also, what if they're not criticizing you again?
54:38
What if they think you're so empowered and badass and it helps empower them too?
Because like the alternative is staying the way that you are and like, this pattern is harmful for you.
You deserve to find peace.
54:54
This pattern is keeping you disconnected.
It's keeping you in a life that's making you unhappy.
It for me, I've been in a life that made me unhappy for my entire life.
And I've been trying to change my life for 20 years and until I started resetting and reconnecting with myself and reconnecting with Iduna, my intuition and like, that's where my piece is.
55:15
I can't believe what happened last night.
I still can't believe it.
I can't believe I stayed calm and I did and I didn't even have to think about it.
That's the best part.
You, I watched so many videos online where it's like, this is how you set boundaries and like this is what you say and like, this is what you need to do.
55:31
And like you go to therapy and they're like, practice this and practice this.
You know what if you connect with your intuition, you don't need any of that shit because you're showing up as you, you're showing up in your energy and your alignment and your energy gets strong enough that all that shit is just bouncing off of you.
55:47
Like you don't need to put up any kind of you know, if your spiritual or whatever and you put up a shield, you don't have to do that because it just bounces off of you because your energy is getting so strong that you just show U in your full light in your full flame.
Like I was saying earlier, I've lit this flame in me and this flame is what shows up.
56:07
And you either like, what's that expression but getting burned?
Man, I wish I could think of that right now.
That would be so good.
But anyway, I'm just showing up in my fire and I don't have to think about boundaries or what to say or what to do or blah blah blah, blah, blah because it's become the default to let Iduna lead.
56:23
And I am so freaking happy and free.
So free.
There's so much room in my brain to not have to think about these things.
I get to just be.
It is so awesome.
That's the alternative.
The alternative, struggling and overthinking and like being trapped in your head and feeling like a prisoner to your brain.
56:43
Like I felt like a prisoner to my brain most of my life.
Not normal, not nomo.
You deserve this piece.
You deserve this freedom and like if you keep outsourcing and always relying on others to keep you grounded and guided in life.
56:59
Like what?
Like, I don't know if you want to do that, cool.
But like, I don't think that's the way to live.
Like, I really feel like then you're relying on these other people and then these people, like sometimes people leave and then you're like devastated and like you have no place to come back to.
57:19
And that's what this is coming back to you.
And like, the reality is like you have to be selfish in life.
It's your life.
Remove the negative association with the word selfish.
57:40
That's the thing.
That's the problem.
Being selfish isn't the problem.
Everyone's selfish in life, like anyone who's ever got anything in their life has been selfish in some way because you're doing it for yourself.
57:56
It's your life.
I truly believe if everyone put themselves first, which really to me is what being selfish is, putting yourself first.
If everyone put themselves first, everything would workout perfectly.
Everyone would be the puzzle piece that they're supposed to be to make the world complete.
58:14
We're all meant to do different things and be ourselves and self express on our own and then we all fit together perfectly and there's enough room for everyone and there's enough everything for everyone.
And I believe we get there by putting ourselves 1st and that's what I believe selfish is.
58:30
So steal my definition, you know, remove that negative association with it.
You know, they always say put your, if you're in a plane and the planes going down, put your oxygen mask on 1st.
And people think that's selfish.
58:46
But if you pass out, you can't help anybody else.
You have to put yourself first.
You have to do things yourself to know if they're right for you.
That's another thing.
It's OK to go the wrong way and what's wrong for one person might be right for you.
59:06
Like look at all your exes right?
Like, you know, it's fine.
And like I said, people are going to criticize you no matter what.
The only person's opinion that should matter to you is yours really at the end of the day.
59:27
And that's a great way to practice being selfish too, is like, ask yourself, what do I actually think about this thing?
Maybe you're in the habit of asking 10 different people and that's fine.
And like, what do you want?
59:44
What do you think?
Ask yourself.
Put yourself in the mix.
It's OK, you know the only way out is through.
Like this is how you can do it Instead, the only way out is through.
You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
1:00:01
You have to get comfortable with letting people down.
And trying try with little things to make decisions without talking to anybody else.
Try, like I said, asking yourself what do you want?
You have to put your own needs first.
1:00:19
Do you want to have peace?
Do you wanna feel independent?
Do you wanna feel confident?
Because I know I wanted all those things.
And that to me is what coming home to yourself is.
It's building the self trust so you can make your own choices and have confidence in yourself to do so.
1:00:42
Like people always think confidence is like walking into the room with your head held high.
And like, I really think confidence is like knowing that you have this trust in yourself that you can do anything like you, you have this well of power inside you.
This knowing being that knows exactly what's right for you and building that relationship with it so that you know in every moment you will know exactly what to do.
1:01:08
Even if you're in a situation where all the options suck, you will know which one to take.
And knowing that you can filter through the lens of love, like that card we pulled at the beginning, that you can, and everything is eventually going to work out in your favor.
Because you're walking down that corridor towards that door that is your apartment with everything in it that is exactly what you've always wanted for your life.
1:01:30
And maybe it's a nice cozy apartment, and maybe it's a big fucking penthouse.
Whatever you want is behind that door and you have the key.
I also think coming home to yourself is being sovereign and not being so impacted by other people's thoughts and opinions.
1:01:47
Being your own final authority.
You can ask other people's opinions, but ask yourself and then do what you want in the end, You know?
Just because someone gives you opinion doesn't mean you have to take it.
I know that was always something I struggled with.
1:02:04
When people would tell me their opinion, I would feel like I had to take it.
I was so impacted by other people and now I don't care.
They can say whatever they want, they're just shouting from their apartment.
That's fine, no belief thieves here, and coming home to yourself is knowing that what you think and feel matters more than what other people think and feel like.
1:02:29
Their thoughts and feelings are their business.
It's not yours.
And this is how I did it.
There's four things that I did.
I practiced awareness.
Like I said, that's my first step.
Always noticing your behavior, noticing if you're asking people noticing if you want to complain and noticing if you actually want to complain.
1:02:52
Or is it just your habit in order to try to change anything?
You're just noticing.
You're like, hey, what's going on?
Don't be hard on yourself.
We're not doing that here.
We're not self blaming, we're not beating ourselves up practicing awareness.
1:03:14
It takes the pressure off.
You're not trying to change anything.
You need to be fully aware of what's going on before you can change anything.
And whenever you've recognized that you've acted out of an old habit or a way that you don't want to do, just again, like give yourself gratitude for recognizing it.
1:03:30
You're like, oh cool, so glad I noticed that because that sucks.
Or like, I don't want that, you know, but don't be hard on yourself.
Like, ah, stupid me, I can't believe I did that.
Like stop talking to yourself that way.
And once I started having awareness, I was able to change things quicker because I'm like, oh, I didn't like that.
1:03:53
And sometimes I was like, oh, this happened a week ago.
I didn't like that.
And then it just got sooner and sooner and sooner.
And committing to yourself daily.
That's what I've been doing the last couple weeks with my resets every morning.
1:04:10
Committing to yourself and like putting a reminder in your phone to come back to yourself and, and the commitment you're making to start this relationship with yourself.
That's what this is.
1:04:25
It's a relationship with yourself.
That's where coming home to yourself is.
It's starting that relationship.
It's like when you first start out, it's like talking to a stranger, but like committing to yourself every day that you're getting to know yourself and how I did that.
1:04:42
And like I said, this is the third thing.
This is kind of how the podcast started with the inner sound check, which now I call the sovereign Self method.
Because you're starting off by having a relationship with all parts of yourself, your body, your mind, your emotions, your soul, your energy and source.
1:05:06
And that's all parts of yourself.
And getting to know that and getting to know what it feels because you've spent your whole life pushing it away and rejecting it.
So you can practice, like my old mentor would say, have coffee with yourself and invite all parts of yourself to come to have coffee because it's really what it is.
1:05:25
And you're just like, hi.
And that's how I started out with this, these six things.
I would sit there and be like, hi, where are you?
What do you feel like?
That's how I started.
That's the biggest thing that I did to get to know myself was sitting there and getting curious and practice sitting with them.
1:05:46
And you can start real small, just like a minute on each, or not even a minute.
Whatever feels comfortable.
And like I said before, find your joy.
That's the fourth thing.
Experiment with anything that you're interested in.
1:06:04
Anything.
Allow yourself to play.
Allow yourself to explore.
Allow yourself to make, I'm going to say mistakes because that's what we call it, but it's not a mistake.
You're just exploring.
Like children don't make mistakes when they're scribble on a page.
Is that a mistake?
1:06:20
No, only still a certain age is it considered a mistake, But it's not a mistake.
They're exploring.
Give yourself that grace, Give yourself that flexibility, that fluidity to explore because you didn't have it before.
And like I said, don't put any weight into it if it doesn't workout.
1:06:39
Like it's fine.
It's OK to change your mind.
It's OK to be like, I bought all this equipment because I thought I wanted to be a photographer and now I don't want to do that anymore.
Cool, sell it on marketplace or sell it to someone else, you know, who wants to try being a photographer.
1:06:54
Like that's why all this stuff exists.
That's why these sites exist, because we try these things and we can get rid of them.
You know, yes, maybe it did cost money, but you got this experience.
And again, I believe everything's working out divinely.
So it's going to work out in your favor eventually.
1:07:12
It's all working out in your favor.
It is all bringing you closer to yourself.
And when you've spent a lifetime disconnected from yourself, like these are the things, if you really want to get to know yourself, I really feel like these are the ways you, these are things you have to do to do that.
1:07:29
And I'm sure there are a lot of things you want to do that don't cost money if you're worried about money.
So don't worry about it.
Or maybe you have a friend you can borrow stuff from, I don't know.
There are lots of ways that you can explore stress free living on easy street.
1:07:46
I'll osco.
Anyway, that is all I have for you today.
I hope that helps you feel a little closer to yourself.
I hope that gives you some ideas, tips and tricks on how you can come home to yourself.
I'm still offering 50% off to anyone who wants to try a virtual sound healing session to clear the energy and get louder on your intuition to get louder to come home to your intuition.
1:08:12
So if you want that only the podcast listeners getting that 50% off link, you can get that in the show notes or you can come to a group Sunday reset and hear your intuition louder.
Let's go.
Like reset with me.
Let's go.
Anyway, that's all I have for you today.
1:08:29
Thank you so much for hanging out with me.
All your dreams are possible and I will see you in the next one.
Bye.
