66. Ditching the Guilt when you Lose Yourself on the Way to Finding Yourself (and the actual end goal of that journey)

In this episode of No Thanks, Unsubscribe, we’re talking about the life pattern of losing yourself and finding yourself again.

If you’re trying to change your life, become a better version of yourself, shift old habits, or reconnect with who you are now, this one is for you.

I’m sharing why I took a break from the show, what happened when I started feeling disconnected from the things that used to bring me joy, and how that disconnection pulled me back into some old patterns I thought I had outgrown.

We’re also talking about living in your head, learning to listen differently, and why every new season of life changes us — whether we feel ready for it or not.

This episode includes an oracle deck reading, a short sound healing, and a personal life update on officially being divorced, finding clarity in my business, and realizing why rituals are becoming such a big part of this next chapter.

In this episode:

• Losing yourself and finding yourself again

• Changing your life from the inside out

• Feeling disconnected from joy

• Backsliding into old habits

• Living in your head vs. reconnecting with yourself

• Life transitions, divorce, business clarity, rituals, and growth

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Listen on Spotify

TRANSCRIPT

0:00

If you're trying to change your life, become a better version of you, change some habits, what have you.

Any of the above, all of the above.

This episode is for you.

Today we're looking at the journey of losing yourself to find yourself.

0:15

Does it ever end?

Is it a full, lifelong thing?

We're going to get into it.

So grab something to drink and get comfy because today we are getting lost together.

The secret to living a happy life?

It's actually pretty simple.

0:32

You just need to learn to hear, trust, and follow your inner guidance above anything else.

But the problem is a lot of us, myself included.

Hi, I'm Carolina, by the way.

We live in our heads or we're super emotional.

We're following someone else's rules, standards or beliefs unintentionally, and we're not hearing our guidance properly, if at all.

0:57

This show is about aligning your energy, learning to hear your inner guidance louder than your mind, and having the courage to say no thanks.

Unsubscribe to anything that doesn't match that.

I'm doing this exact thing in my life and I believe all our dreams are possible for us if we follow this simple formula.

1:18

Welcome to the No Thanks Unsubscribe podcast.

Hello and welcome, welcome.

Welcome to today's episode.

1:36

It is so good to be back.

I can't even tell you my soul is singing right now.

I missed this so much.

And not even like consciously, because just like the topic of today's episode, I feel like like if you're new around here, you might not know if you've been around for a minute, you might have forgotten because it's been a while.

2:01

But I took a break from the show because I felt lost.

And while I felt lost, I feel like I got even more like disconnected.

And through all that, I feel like I lost connection to my soul and I feel like I wasn't even conscious of how much I missed the show.

2:24

And I can't describe to you enough this feeling of vibration that I have right now.

And I've been feeling that in a few ways in my life.

And that's how I know something is in alignment for me when I feel this like vibrating frequency.

2:39

Because one of the things that I'm looking for when I am tuning to my soul and tuning to my inner guidance is this feeling.

And it's kind of nice to like learn those so that you know you're on the right path.

3:00

I used to be so passive in my life with things like signs from the universe or messages or what have you.

And I would wait for a sign or whatever.

And it's, it's all external.

It's all outsourcing your power to something else outside of you.

3:17

And I feel like that's kind of silly.

We have this internal guidance system and just like we all look different on the outside, just like we all sound different with our voices, we all have different interests and behaviors and whatnot.

And our internal compass is different.

3:35

And if we can follow that and that can be our guide.

Like that's always kind of been my, I guess my motto on the show with like the inner sound check and everything, really trying to like get to know what's going on inside of you.

3:51

And really it comes down to getting to know yourself, like you're your own best friend.

And I used to say things like I hated myself.

And now when I can get these cues where I feel myself vibrating, it's like an addicting feeling.

Like the old me never felt this, never felt this vibrating, never felt this up level.

4:10

And like, when you're shifting your life from who you were to who you're becoming, of course that's going to feel different.

Like how I was before felt so flat.

And this feels so electric.

It's just so different.

It's awesome.

4:26

It's so awesome.

So I hope that inspires you in some ways, if you're not already, to connect with yourself and to connect with yourself deeper if you possibly can, so that you can really get in tune with who you are and why you're here and what you want because you deserve it.

4:46

We all deserve it.

I truly, truly, truly like I redid the intro again even from last week because every day I'm going to get into this more in this episode, but I have been really leaning on since this whole journey started for me, like in 2020, I have been really trying to get to know myself.

5:10

And part of that journey was leaning on rituals.

And I've talked about my moon rituals and I've said I hated that word.

But then I looked up the definition.

Now I'm fully leaning into it because it fits and I think I've watched too many movies though and I just have like negative negative associations with the word ritual because I watched too many movies.

5:34

But the definition is very accurate.

So I've been leaning on rituals to find who I am, and that has fluctuated much like the topic of the episode.

I've gone into them and gone out of them and gone into them, got out of them.

5:49

But the one thing remains true in the past six years versus the past like 20 years that I've been trying to improve my life is that I need or you need, we need something to come back to, to bring us back to our goals.

6:08

And it's not from a way of like, you always have to be consciously recommitting to your goals, but like you have to be realigning to yourself.

Because I truly believe that we have our own internal compass and like if we keep coming back to that, everything gets easier as you go.

6:30

And it's recommitting that to yourself.

I've now implemented it.

So I check in with myself three times a day or I guess more if I need it.

But like coming back to yourself in this form of like little ritual, even just 5 minutes, giving yourself 5 minutes to breathe and come back to yourself and come back to your centre.

6:54

Like today I had this situation where I got thrown off.

I knew because I did my morning ritual and I was like I did too much peopling yesterday.

I am peopled out and I had this situation to someone today and it really threw me off and I was really upset and I was like, you know what?

7:15

I haven't done my midday ritual yet.

I'm going to do that because I also found 2.

When you're starting to change your vibration, you have to keep coming back to this new vibration that you want to hang on to because it's not familiar.

7:32

Like I said about the electric versus the flat, once it becomes familiar, then you can come back to it like second nature.

But until then, you fall back into your old habits like a comfy pair of jeans.

Like it's just so easy to slide back into it.

7:51

And so you have to make it a habit of feeling these new feelings so that they become more familiar.

And so I didn't do my midday check in.

So I was like, cool, I'll do my midday check in.

And everything just melted away.

And I just fell into myself and I just noticed.

8:10

I didn't even notice it happening at first, but all of a sudden I wasn't thinking about the situation with this person.

I wasn't worried about it.

I wasn't feeling these big emotions that really threw me off.

I just felt me.

I felt electric.

8:26

I felt powerful and hilariously enough, I did a tarot reading.

I got this new tarot deck the other day and it was divine.

I wasn't even looking for a sign, but now that I have them, it was totally a sign.

8:42

It was actually what I was meant to do, meant to pick up.

Anyway, I did a tarot reading and I got the strength card and I was like, I even made a video for social where I was like, I don't feel strong.

I haven't posted it yet but keep an eye out for that.

But I was like, I don't feel strong.

8:58

Losing myself all the time and having to consciously come back to myself does not make me feel strong.

But in that moment, in that, I guess you could call it a meditation, but it was not a traditional meditation by any sense.

9:14

But in that time with myself, my ritual, my reset ritual is what I'm calling them.

In that moment, I did feel strong.

I felt whole and I felt complete and happy.

9:31

And that's all I want for myself at the end of the day.

O anyway, I wanted to do things a little bit differently, which I like to do and in addition to my new tarot deck, I also got a new Oracle deck and I'm actually turning, if you haven't seen yet, I'm turning this Sunday reset into a full blown ritual.

9:56

You're welcome to join.

There's a live stream option you can join from the comfort of your home.

If you're in the new market, Ontario, Canada area, you're welcome to join in person.

It's going to be a full blown ritual and we're going to pull an Oracle card at the beginning and then we're going to have a tea ceremony to set our intentions.

10:18

And like I've talked on this show before, because my background is in like, sound healing, there's this guy.

I forget his name now.

I can't even Momodo.

Anyway, I can't remember his name.

He did this whole study about how you can speak.

10:35

Words have different frequencies, and when you speak into water and you freeze the water, they freeze in different shapes.

So cool, science nerd, look it up.

And so every word had a different shape.

And so part of the ritual is going to be I'm going to speak into the water.

10:53

Well, not into the water because germs, but like I'll speak to the kettle and I believe in the power of vibration going through the kettle into the water because hygiene.

I'm going to speak into the water.

Some intentions before the ritual.

11:09

And then we're going to have a tea ceremony where you're going to speak your own intentions into your drink.

And if you don't like tea, bring water.

The same thing will happen.

You just won't get my vibes from the water, but that's fine.

It doesn't matter.

Your intention for your life is all that matters.

11:26

I can say whatever, but your intention for your life, you are the main character of your life.

So your intentions, your life is all that matters, which is why if you join the live stream, you can do this from home.

You just speak into your water or beverage of choice.

And what are you drinking today?

11:44

I have electrolyte water and you speak into that.

So we're going to have a tea ceremony.

So we'll pull the Oracle card.

We'll do the ceremony then I wanted to do something which I wanted to do for these anyway, but this is just like such a better idea.

12:03

I'm so stoked.

O we're going to do a aer ripping ceremony.

So I'll give you a piece of paper and a pen and you're going to write down something that happened to you or something like that's on your mind or whatever that's been sticking around that you want to let go of.

12:18

You're going to write it down and then we're going to RIP it up.

And then I'm going to have a big bowl of water and I'm going to put some flowers in it because flower power.

Literally flowers have energy because all living things have energy.

12:33

So I'm going to put some flowers in there and we're going to RIP up our stuff and then you're going to put it in the bowl.

And as we go through the rest of the ritual, the paper will dissolve and then I am going to strain the water and I'm going to give it to Mother Earth to compost and alchemies and give new life to it.

12:52

So it's literally being taken from you.

It's literally going to be broken down by the end of the ritual and then Mother Earth is going to take care of it.

So it's literally a release ceremony.

Then we're going to move from there into I have a whole new version of my signature meditation, which started off as the inner sound check and then I called it Phoenix Rising, but now I'm calling it Sovereign Self because at the end of the day, I felt so disconnected from myself that I felt powerless.

13:20

Which is why when the strength card came up and I'm like, I don't feel strong facts, but it I keep saying to myself, I am sovereign.

I am sovereign.

I am sovereign because if you look U again, the definition of that word, it's literally like inner strength and inner power.

13:40

And I keep seeing I have seen more than five times in the last 24 hours.

I saw the name Freya and I looked it U and she's literally like the goddess of sovereignty.

And I thought that was insane.

13:56

Talk about signs like not that I was looking for one, it just she just, I was like, this name keeps popping up like, and I don't know, like I've been calling it sovereign self for a few months now.

I just, I just really aligned with the word sovereignty and how it all connects.

14:13

Anyway, So then at the Sunday reset ritual, we're going to do a modified version of this that I've been doing myself in the morning to really connect.

And and that's going to go into a future self meditation to connect with your future self so that you can call in that future that you want faster kind of timeline jumping.

14:35

Then we're going to go into the sound bath to really align your energy and anchor it all in and let go of what you want to let go of and ground yourself in and really get that in.

And we will end the ritual and that's what the Sunday reset is going to be.

I always wanted it to be some kind of like a collective healing circle and that's what it is.

14:56

And I'm calling it Return to Centre ritual because you're literally returning to you returning to your power, blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

So join me if you want, don't if you don't.

The next one is July 19th.

There's another one August 23rd.

15:13

I don't have the fall dates U yet.

You can join my mailing list on my website, carolinaautumn.com back slash Sunday reset.

I'll put the link in the show notes and you can join the mailing list if you want reminders to your inbox.

15:29

O anyway, in light of that, I went shopping on Canada Day because Indigo was open on Canada Day and it was hot as balls here.

It was so fucking hot I was going to go to I.

I unsubscribe from Canada Day stuff first of all because I don't agree with it.

15:50

This is not our country like it is now, but like I don't agree with how it was colonized and all that.

So I don't agree with Anna today.

So I don't want to celebrate, but it was going to be nice to have something to do when there was like street vendors and stuff.

16:07

So I guess I was unsubscribing but participating anyway.

I don't own anything red, so I wasn't gonna participate that way.

But I went to Indigo and I sat on the IT was so hot in the store too.

I was like, where is the AC?

16:23

Like in it was like 36 feels like 42 or something ridiculous.

Like it was so hot here, and that's Celsius, and it was just so hot.

16:38

So an indoor activity sounded great.

And I got a new Oracle deck and I am in love with this Oracle deck.

It is called Believe in Your Own Magic by Amanda Lovelace and it has princesses, mermaids and witches, which I think is awesome.

17:03

I love all things fantastical.

And not only that, the artwork is so beautiful and it has a full spectrum of different like body sizes and skin colours and these women are just so empowering and so diverse.

17:18

And I just, I love it.

I love it, I love it, I love seeing it.

So I would like to pull a card for you right now to set the intention for this episode.

Also, because this is something that I'm doing to reconnect with my intuition in other ways, I'm trying to use it in so many different ways.

17:36

I used to pull tarot cards and if it fell out of the deck, I was like, it must be, it must be the right card, it must be the one I have to pick.

But now everything I'm doing, I'm checking in with my intuition like in every part of my life.

And it's changed the way I pull cards, which is kind of fun.

17:53

And so I just randomly want more time to practice.

Oh my gosh, here it is.

I want more time to practice because why not?

The more we can practice with our intuition, the more we're going to be aligned, the more we're going to be living our purpose and our truth.

18:14

Let's fucking go.

Like I'm so done settling for that boring humdrum life.

Like, let's go.

OK?

This card is so beautiful.

There's like this fire happening behind them.

It's like there's there's two women, they're sitting in the leaves, but then there's a big fire behind them.

18:33

Like get out of there girls.

I don't know.

And it says release your guilt.

So this collective needs to release.

Release yo guilt.

Release it.

18:49

Let's see what the book says.

I always read what it says in the book.

What does my intuition say?

Interesting, interesting.

Basically what I'm getting is you're carrying something that's not yours, and what you're carrying is weighing on you unnecessarily.

19:13

It doesn't need to be weighing on you.

And I guess from this perspective, you can just burn that shit.

Burn it up, light it up.

Let's go.

OK, here's what the book says, in case anyone's curious.

You've been carrying the burden of guilt on your shoulders for far too long.

19:30

It's now negatively impacting all facets of your life and making it impossible to function.

You've come to a crossroads where you need to choose a direction.

Go ahead and make your repair reparations or release yourself from the cage you've built around yourself.

19:48

Hint, sometimes the first Rd. leads back around to the second.

See, that's kind of what I got about how release yourself from the cage you've built around yourself.

That's the thing that guilt does.

It's like you're keeping yourself trapped.

By hanging on to the guilt.

20:08

So I don't know who needed to hear that.

Or multiple people.

Or maybe I need to hear it.

No, but let's let that shit go.

Actually, this is the perfect time to bring back something from the OG part of the podcast that is literally making my soul saying as I'm about to say it.

20:30

So we have to do it.

We have to do it.

I want to bring back the sound healing element to the show.

I actually didn't even plan this.

It just came up right before I recorded because I felt into my intuition and I trusted that everything that's going to come out is exactly what's meant to because we love ourselves.

20:48

Let's go.

And we are going to I'm going to pause here for a second and find the tuning fork that is going to release guilt and we're going to do just 5 minutes because the other day I posted this video because I was super panicky.

21:05

I felt super panicky and I was freaking out and I didn't know what to do and I was, I was panicking and I grabbed my tuning fork and listen to it for 5 minutes and start to feel better.

21:21

O I'm going to find which frequency is right for guilt and we're going to listen to that for 5 minutes and intentionally like focus on your breathing.

I'm not going to like be speaking while the tuning forks going.

Focus on your breathing.

21:37

Just you don't have to control it or anything.

Just breathing in, breathing out, feeling into your feet, feeling into gravity, feeling like the weight of your body on the ground if you're walking or like in the seat if you're driving.

21:52

And if you're driving, maybe pull over.

Be responsible.

Use your discernment because you are sovereign and you have control over your life.

But don't be irresponsible.

I'm not responsible for your bad choices, so without further ado, focus on your breathing and we will let that guilt shit go.

22:26

No.

23:02

No.

23:51

No.

27:49

Let's take a nice deep breath in through the nose and exhale through the mouth.

One more and we're going to intentionally release if any guilt came up for you, because it did for me.

28:08

We're gonna breathe in through the nose and as we exhale, visualize that gills leaving the body blowing away on the wind by no thanks.

28:28

Unsubscribe.

Get outta here.

We don't need you anymore.

We are not here for that kind of self.

I don't know, self sabotage I guess.

Like we are here to love ourselves and be happy at the end of the day.

28:46

Let's go.

Also quick little life update because I can't remember when the last day was that I recorded but I am now officially divorced.

Like the paperwork came in two weeks before the two year anniversary of the separation.

29:05

So like, fuck, that shit takes a long time and it's all paperwork.

Like it's so stupid.

It feels energetically like there's something hanging over your head when you've literally like walked away from this relationship.

29:21

And like even now, like I actually had the craziest thing.

The craziest thing happened.

I had this dream a couple of weeks.

No, it was last week.

Last week I had this dream that I was on a plane and the plane is irrelevant, but he was on the plane too.

29:39

And I was like, oh, and I tried to hide and it was like I was going on some kind of vacation, but again, irrelevant.

But it was one of those where you go on the plane with the same kind of group of people and you kind of come back with the same kind of group of people, which kind of feels like an all inclusive resort kind of dealy because a lot of people are on the same kind of package anyway.

30:02

So I was with someone like a friend and he was with people and then we were coming back from this trip in my dream on this plane and he came U and talked to me and I was like oh why are you talking to me?

30:18

It's been over 2 years.

Like what are you doing?

And he talked to me and then he was like, OK love you.

Bye.

And I was like what are you doing?

And like I woke up and I was like, wow, that was so vivid.

30:33

Like it was so apparent in my mind and then this is the jaw-dropping part.

That fucker, does he not e-mail me that fucking day?

I was absolutely.

I looked at my phone and saw his name and I was like what the fuck?

30:49

Like did this actually happen?

Yes it did.

Yes, I had a dream and then that dream in a roundabout way, came true.

Well, he didn't say he loved me.

He was like closing up old accounts from two years ago but like not the point.

31:09

He talked to me in my dream out of the blue, and then he talked to me IRL and I was like, what the hell?

But one of the things that I'm trying to do as being a new me is really, like I said, connecting to my intuition and really connecting.

Because like I do, I'm starting to believe when people have said that everyone has the gift, like the psychic gifts.

31:32

I think I was so scared of it for a long time.

Like I have a friend who is clairvoyant, I guess in a sense, I don't know if she would call it that.

She sees dead people.

And I remember when my grandma passed away, she was here and we had some of my grandma's stuff here.

31:52

And she was like, do you want to know if your grandma's here?

And I was like, hell no, I don't want to know if my grandma's here.

And she was like, OK, And I think I've been really scared of that stuff, but I've really been into, like, psychics and stuff.

And I fully believe that our souls know, like, what's up.

32:08

And there's like a version of us that knows, like, time is not linear.

Everything's happening at the same time.

So technically, if that's the case, then everyone could be psychic.

You just have to tap into that other timeline.

So I don't know, I am really opening up to it and leaning into it.

32:25

And I'm really here for this gift developing.

Like, let's go, let's see what happens.

So, yeah, so that's, that's fun.

32:41

Anyway, I'm officially divorced, thank goodness.

Good riddance by and this break was really awesome in terms of like the clarity of the business.

32:57

As I said, just quickly looking through the notes I made for this episode.

Uh, yeah.

So the, the whole purpose of this episode is the life pattern of losing yourself and finding yourself again.

33:14

And that's what happened to me when I took this break from the show for two months.

Two months.

April.

May, June.

Yeah.

Like 2:00-ish months. 2 1/2 months maybe?

I started connecting back with myself even before I took the break, and I think I said that in my last episode that I had started feeling like myself again, but then I lost myself again.

33:39

It's so crazy.

Like, I think one of the things I really wanted to say is that I feel like as someone who's been a student for a really long time, like I, I've been lately a student of life, like for the past 20 years, a student of life.

33:56

And I went through public school and then high school and then I did university, three years of university than I did a year of college.

Then I did another year of college.

Then I've done like other kinds of learning because I was taught that if you want to ever have a career in something, you need an education.

34:27

That is a whole crock of shit.

No thanks, unsubscribe.

That is not true.

There are people out in the world who are billionaires who did not have like a formal education.

There are people out there who are CEO's who just like knew the right person.

34:46

There are people out there who are doing things that they just maybe they followed their intuitive nudge.

Maybe they had the School of Life teach them things and they don't need a formal education.

35:03

But I believed that I needed a formal education if I was interested in pursuing something or interested in trying something.

This is what my brain believed.

This is the subscription my brain was on.

You were interested in something, then you had someone had to teach you how to do it.

35:22

That learning it on your own was not OK.

It was not good enough and then you could do the thing.

That's what I subscribed to.

And who decided this and who decided what the curriculum was?

35:40

Because to one person, anything, I had a whole episode on this, I looked stuff up and you could argue both sides.

So like, if someone says whatever the criteria is of something, someone else could argue that that's not good enough.

35:57

It's the same way you have two English teachers teaching the same subject, but they mark stuff differently because it's a different perspective.

Everything can be looked at that way.

And so I just don't agree with whatever the curriculum is.

Like, who's to say that's the best thing?

Everybody learns differently also.

36:14

And like I said, there are people out there doing these jobs, they're doing these things or whatever, and they don't necessarily have a formal education.

So like unsubscribe from that.

But anyway, the, the biggest thing that I didn't know at the time and that I didn't unsubscribe from at the time is something you learn when you go to school is that there is a right answer.

36:35

There is a right answer and everything else is wrong.

There is one right answer and everything else is wrong.

That is also such a crock of shit.

Nothing in life works that way.

Nothing.

36:50

OK maybe the sun rises and the sun sets.

That is the right answer.

But like, is it because like you could get someone who could probably argue, well, if it's cloudy, how do you really know?

37:07

I don't know.

That was maybe a terrible example.

But my point is when there is clouds in the sky, you don't really see the sun rising.

Like if it's really dark and really cloudy, it can appear night.

Like, you know, not fully dark, but like, you know what I'm saying?

37:22

I'm really reaching with this example, but my point is there.

OK, I'll rephrase.

There are very few times in life where there is one answer, one right answer and everything else is wrong.

O in the, in this whole finding yourself journey, we think there's one.

37:43

I don't, I don't know about you, but like, I almost believed authenticity is finding your one right version.

Oh, once I dig deep, once I get in there and I get to know myself, there's going to be 1 answer, There's going to be 1 vibration.

There's going to be one way of showing up and one way of this, and I'll know the answer and I can show up, is that that is also a crock of shit.

38:05

It wasn't until this break, this last two months, that I realized that I am not searching for a destination.

Our destination in life is death.

That's the destination.

Everything in the middle is the journey and I've also been subscribing.

38:26

This is a little side note to this belief that like, you know, we always talk about, oh, this next chapter of my life, bitch, I'm not writing chapters in my life.

My life is an epic 12 books set and I've already lived seven books of my life, and now I'm on to the next book.

38:49

And so we're into these next editions, you know, like these big fantasy series where there's like 15 books.

Like that's life.

You know, you got these different books.

And I feel like maybe each book you uncover a different layer of yourself.

39:06

We're always going through life, learning new things, finding joy in new things.

Maybe there's something that we don't find joy in anymore that we used to.

Maybe there's something we loved as a kid that we lost and then we come back to.

I really feel like our life needs to be looked at.

39:23

Almost like waves.

They come in, they go out, they come in, they go out and maybe sometimes the water is still and sometimes there's a hurricane.

Like there's so much always going on and there's not one answer.

39:40

And maybe that's the point.

Maybe the point of life is to constantly lose ourselves because in losing ourselves, we're unsubscribing from the things that maybe we hadn't thought of before.

39:55

Like like I said about candidate, I never questioned it before.

I never questioned why do we do this thing?

And do I agree with doing this thing?

Do I actually enjoy doing this thing?

Do I actually want to do this thing?

And you can apply those questions to anything in your life.

40:13

And I feel like that's the point.

When they say losing yourself, you don't have to actually lose yourself.

Like I fell back into this old version of myself, but that is not, I truly believe that me falling back into that old version of myself was to show me how fucking far I've come, to show me how resilient I've become, to show me that, hey, you can get back to this place.

40:40

And also to show me like, how hard it is to meditate when you've lost yourself and you've stopped meditating.

To come back And then to have my brain be louder than anything else.

And I'm like, how do I get this bitch to shut up?

Because it wasn't this hard before, but the whole point of losing yourself is not, you're not necessarily actually lost.

41:05

You need to get lost in order to find yourself because you need to be questioning and shifting and looking at things from a different perspective.

Like if you're on the swing, you're seeing this stuff in front of you, but if you fall on your ass and you're looking up at the swing set, you're seeing everything from a whole different angle.

41:26

So that's the whole point of air quotes, losing yourself.

You're just in that you're able to look at things from a new angle.

And yes, it will come with grief or guilt or sadness.

41:43

It will come with all these things.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

All of our emotions, they are what they are.

They're just some of them are more familiar than others because we feel them more often, but none of them are inherently bad.

41:59

They're just unfamiliar like pain and guilt is.

It feels the same to me in the body intensity wise as extreme excitement where I get like I'm shaking and I'm just so hay.

42:16

The thing with our society is they've taught us that happiness is good and sadness is bad.

And don't feel your sadness because you don't want to feel sadness.

You don't want to feel any of those emotions.

And then that creates this domino effect in the body where your energy is like restricting the emotion and you're trying not to make it too big because they've taught you be scared of it, but it's actually an emotion can't hurt you at the end of the day.

42:42

It's the other things that are happening while the emotion is happening that makes it painful.

Like when I'm feeling a big emotion.

If I can remember to do this is to pause, because what I notice happens is I start to feel the emotion, then my energy pushes in on it, and then it feels really intense.

43:05

And somehow in my brain it's trying to talk me out of feeling that way.

But when I can consciously see what's going on and I can recognize that I'm feeling that way and I can relax my energy and then I can shift the narrative in my mind and say things like like, let's say with guilt, you know, I see that you're feeling guilty.

43:35

I understand why you're feeling guilty.

It's OK that you're feeling guilty.

You're allowed to feel guilt.

Like to say those things to yourself.

And remember to say those things instantly helps the guilt.

43:50

The guilt has somewhere to go because you've expanded your energy.

And I feel like every human just wants to be like seen and witnessed and held.

And what you're doing in that moment is you're saying to your thoughts, like, I even like if I, if I hear myself repeating a thought, it's like, oh, I hear you feeling guilty about, I don't know, overeating, whatever.

44:15

Oh, you feel guilty because you ate a whole bag of Doritos?

Like whatever.

I see you or I hear you because it's a thought.

I hear you that you feel guilty for this.

It's OK that you feel guilty for this.

44:30

And then instantly I don't feel that pain as intensely anymore because you're witnessing, you're hearing and you're feeling.

And then you go into the emotional part and you're like, I feel you feelings.

44:46

I feel that you're uncomfortable, you're allowed to be here, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff.

It just allows you to feel witness it, to witness it.

And then eventually I feel like the emotions will feel safe and they won't feel so intense.

And I know I've experienced that in the moment, and I'm not at a place where I can feel that way automatically by any means.

45:11

But I believe that eventually it can get to that point.

I'd like to believe that just like any skill, I feel like the more you practice it, the easier it comes to you.

It's definitely easier for me now than it was six months ago or a year ago.

45:31

And that's the kind of stuff that I was able to practice because I lost myself, because I was feeling sad again, because I was feeling lost again.

I was feeling pressure again.

I was feeling like I couldn't.

I don't know, I was.

45:49

I was fearful that the life of my dreams wasn't ever actually going to come true.

And I was able to shift that around.

But I feel like those thoughts that you have when you do lose yourself, it shows you how far you've come.

46:07

It shows you how resilient you are.

It shows you how strong you are.

It shows you how sovereign you are.

It shows you that you can get out of that.

And you're like, like, I just look back and I'm like, wow, look what I did it almost.

I know people say this, it sounds like a crock of shit, but like I'm always grateful.

46:26

I'm so grateful that I lost myself.

But like I, I am now that I've now actually, it's in this moment when I'm explaining what I've gone through that I actually realized that, yeah, I am fucking proud of myself for losing myself again so that I can actually see how far I've gone.

46:50

And not only that, I was grateful in little ways.

Like I'm grateful that I'm seeing how hard it is to meditate again, because then I'm finding new techniques and new ways around it and new ways to adapt because I know I'm not the only person out there whose mind is constantly chittering, constantly making noise.

47:11

And meditation is so, such a good way to like connect with your soul.

But if you can't shut off your brain, you can't get to the place that you actually want to get to.

And so I have some new techniques and I'm so grateful.

47:26

I'm so grateful and I'm so grateful I am, I actually am.

I'm so grateful that I have these techniques now that I that I was able to do that.

I wouldn't have got that because you know, I talk all the time about human design.

I'm a three six with the three line.

I got to learn it by myself.

47:43

I got to learn it by doing, which is also the hilarious thing about this whole one destination thing and this whole have to get an education thing.

Like I don't learn in a classroom.

I learn by doing, which is probably why I was so good at music because yeah, there is music theory and stuff, but for the most part in music class you're playing an instrument because that's the thing you're doing.

48:06

Most of the others.

Yeah, sure, in math class you're doing problems, but whoever wants to do that, I'm sure some people do.

But like I don't want to sit there and do math problems.

Like I don't want to sit there and write an essay.

Like I have a hard enough time.

I rewrote this intro for this, this new intro for the podcast.

48:23

I rewrote it probably like 7 or 8 times.

Like I don't want to sit there and write stuff.

I've started voice noting stuff because I feel like the stuff that comes out of my mouth is more aligned because it's coming through my whole body and it's coming through because I vocal tone multiple times a day.

48:39

I feel like my chakras are open and everything's clean and everything can you know, all my energies aligned and everything can move better and like that comes out better When I start writing, I'm in my head and I can see what's written down and then my brain is like, how about how about we find the right way to do this?

48:55

There is no right way.

Unsubscribe.

There is no right way for anything.

There are multiple ways that multiple people think is right and you have to find the right one for you.

49:10

That is like my best life advice is like try different things, see what's right for you.

I should really take my own advice, advice, because every time I go to like wings, like wing night, I always get honey garlic.

49:28

Always, always, because anytime I've tried a different flavor, I don't like it.

But that's the data.

That's the losing yourself.

That's finding yourself again.

You try the other flavoring.

You're like, man, I should have just stuck with honey garlic because I it's tried and true.

49:46

But like that's the kind of stuff that you don't know if you found yourself until you try the other things.

You don't know if you want to not celebrate Canada Day if you don't try something else.

Like you don't know until you try and all this stuff that you think, you believe and you think you're doing.

50:04

If you try something else and then you realize like, wow, I actually love this so much.

You wouldn't know if you didn't try, so I hope that inspires someone to try something.

And if you try another wing flavor, if you are also a die hard honey garlic fan and you try another flavor and you think it's better, let me know and I will try it.

50:30

I will try it next time I get wings but I think this life cycle is actually waves and we are constantly going to be losing ourself and finding ourselves.

And it is not meant as a bad thing.

50:45

It is not meant to show that you're not strong enough or capable enough.

Like oooh, confirmation from spirit.

I started following this girl on.

She does tarot card readings and anytime she burps, she goes OOP, confirmation from spirit.

51:01

So I'm going to start doing that too because, you know, it's like gas moving in the body.

Like somatic people will say too when you start like burping or farting or moving stuff around, that's actually like energy moving in the body.

So let's go.

We're changing the meaning of things because we can and because we want to, and because the way society works fucking sucks.

51:22

So hmm, anyway, I forget exactly what I was saying.

Meet Morph Feeling disconnected, backsliding into old habits?

It's OK, It's not.

51:40

It's part of the cycle of life.

It's actually going to show you how strong and capable you are.

It's actually going to show you how far you've come.

It's actually going to give you a whole new perspective, and it's going to suck in the moment.

51:56

And I had this happen yesterday and I got really hard on myself and I felt like I backslid.

But I don't know if we should look at it as backsliding necessarily because of course, it kind of is because you're falling into old habits, but it's literally showing you.

52:17

I, I always say this life is a mirror because you can't read what's on the outside of your label because you are inside the jar.

If you were in a jar, you know, the world put you in this jar because like you are in a meat suit, like your body is a meat suit.

52:33

You can't read what's like you couldn't see what was on the outside of your body without a mirror.

So like life has to be a mirror because it has to show you what's going on in the inside Because how else are you going to know?

You can tune into yourself, cool.

But like, you're not going to know where the holes are, where the work needs to be done until you can see what's happening.

52:50

And that's where the backsliding and stuff comes in handy.

And I think that's one of the big reasons why I had to go through this divorce and like come back and live with my mom and like be around these people where I feel like a black sheep a lot of the time because I don't have the same views or opinions as a lot of the people in my life.

53:08

And I look at the world so differently.

And I often don't speak up for myself and don't share my opinion because I'm the one who thinks differently.

And I felt the same way at book club.

I'm the one who thinks differently.

Not every single time, but a lot of the times I think differently.

53:24

And it's not that I'm afraid of being rejected, it's that when you're the only one with that opinion, it's kind of hard sometimes.

But anyway, life works like a mirror and you need these people in your life to show you your differences so that you can choose.

53:41

Do I want to keep going or do I want to choose something else?

Because that's what you get at the end of the day.

And now because I'm out of my head and I'm not thinking in my head because using your head is not getting you anywhere.

So when you can learn to listen to your intuition and then you have these things happen in your life and then you listen to your intuition, you're like, do I want to keep doing this thing or do I want to try something else?

54:02

Your intuition gives you an answer.

You don't even have to think about it.

How much more peaceful is your life when you don't actually have to make any decisions.

You just trust your intuition knows exactly the right thing for you, and then you do that thing because you are always taking care of you are always supported.

54:23

And when you can believe that the universe will match that frequency, the universe will give that to you.

I fully believe that.

I really really do O to kind of sum U this whole episode, every season, every chapter if you will, every book, if you will.

54:45

If you like my new way of looking at it, which probably isn't new, someone else is probably said it, but everything you're going through in your life, you are constantly growing and no one ever has any idea what they're doing really.

55:03

At the end of the day, life is always changing.

If you subscribe to the belief of these alternative thinkers, a lot of the people I follow are talking about how aliens are going to make themselves known in 2027.

55:20

So things like that, if it happens, is the kinds of things that are going to make us realize that it just shakes things up.

You know, it's like lying under the swing set, like gives you a different perspective.

55:35

Everything in your life, everything that you move through, we never have any idea what we're doing.

Like, like if you go back to when your grandma was a kid or your grandparent was a kid and you try and explain to them about the Internet or you trying to explain to them about cell phones.

Like now I'm talking about my grandparents, like my, my grandma was born in the 1920s.

55:56

So like we'd be going back to the 1930s explaining this.

So like you're going back almost 100 years.

But like they wouldn't understand.

Society is always changing, moving and evolving.

That's my point.

And things are moving so much faster in our lifetime than they ever have before in, in life, in, in human history.

56:16

And so my point is things are constantly changing.

We are always learning new things and that changes us.

Therefore we are always going to be losing ourselves and finding ourselves.

We are always going to be, well, maybe you don't, but like I always want to be trying new things and learning new things and maybe one day I'll be a bodybuilder, who knows.

56:40

I'm not going to limit myself because I want to try things.

Probably not going to happen, but I'm going to try things and see what happens, keeping an open mind.

And in that process we are always going to be losing ourself.

56:56

And my biggest lesson from this break is that there is no destination to finding yourself and who you think you are today may not be who you want to be tomorrow.

And that's OK.

That's kind of the point.

57:13

Like we move, we meet new people, we work new jobs.

All of that changes us.

We get a new neighbor.

It all changes us.

That's OK.

That's kind of the point.

You know, maybe there'll be a new artist who makes these new songs and they really hate you deeply.

57:31

Like it's kind of the point.

We have to embrace the journey, embrace the fact that we're going to lose ourselves and trust in your sovereignty, trust in your ability to come back, come back to yourself, come back to centre, come back to strength, and you will find yourself again.

57:56

And there are so many versions of you in all these other books of your life.

You always have the choice of going back and you always have the choice of finding a new you.

And I feel like that's kind of the point.

And I feel so much more liberated.

58:12

Not now, not thinking there's one place I'm going to get to because maybe today I agree with, I don't know.

I'm not into politics, but like today I agree with this politician and then tomorrow I don't.

I don't know.

That's part of life we have to embrace.

58:32

The learning, the growing, the losing, the finding, all of it.

The waves, the natural waves and trusting that we can always come back to it and it's kind of awesome.

The journey is kind of awesome that we always get to be experimenting.

58:48

Like how boring would it be if there was just one answer and then we all what, move around like robots like that?

Sounds awful.

No thanks.

Unsubscribe.

Like, I love that the needle keeps moving because that gives us this opportunity to grow and deepen and find new things and learn new things.

59:10

Because I would hate to have been the same my entire life.

That's not the point.

I really think going back to this Oracle card that we pulled from before, where these girls have this big fire blazing behind them, that's life.

59:33

There's always a fire or something that's going to show U or change things and nothing ever stays the same.

It's the only constant in life change.

59:50

You don't look like the way you did when you were 10 years old.

Thank God for that.

I wouldn't want to look like that my whole life either, you know?

And you don't look the same way that you're going to look 20 years from now either.

We are always changing, we're always learning new things.

1:00:08

Maybe when I become an old lady, I want to play bridge.

I don't know.

I hear people talking about bridge.

I don't know how to play bridge, I don't know anything about bridge.

But something you can find about yourself in the future?

I don't know.

Embrace it.

1:00:24

Embrace the awesomeness.

Embrace the curiosity.

Lose yourself.

Find yourself.

Let's fucking go.

Anyway, that's it for today's episode.

Thank you so much for hanging out with me and I will see you in the next one.

1:00:42

Bye.