63. When good enough is good enough aka I had an out-of-body experience, and even that felt like it wasn’t good enough. This is what I did to turn myself around
This is the first episode in my “enough” series.
I had an out-of-body experience… and still felt like it wasn’t good enough to be something I could offer in my business.
Which, looking back, is kind of wild.
In this episode, I’m sharing:
how “not feeling good enough” was actually showing up in my life (and how it might be showing up in yours)
how I downplayed something that literally changed my life
the push and pull of knowing I had something powerful… and still not choosing it
what happened during my out-of-body experience, and how it evolved into the Phoenix Rising meditation
why this energy keeps you stuck and blocks what you’re trying to call in
how this was keeping me from fully stepping into my life and my work
what I’m doing now instead, and what’s actually shifting
This isn’t about becoming “better.”
It’s about seeing where you’ve decided something isn’t enough… even when it is.
And what becomes available when you stop doing that.
TRANSCRIPT
0:00
If you've ever felt like you're not good enough, you are in the right place.
I have absolutely felt that way for a lot of my life, and it can manifest in so many different ways.
So many in fact, that I am making a miniseries on Enough.
0:17
You are Enough.
You are enough exactly how you are.
And it's so easy to hear and not as easy to embody.
And it's one of those things that is holding you back from receiving all of the blessings that are your birthright, all the things that you are owed in this lifetime.
0:36
And with this miniseries, we were going to turn all that around.
And we're starting today with me reclaiming my enoughness around my out of body experience.
I talk about it all the time on the show, but I'm going to give you all the big juicy details and how it was keeping me from living my delulu life.
0:55
How it's still showing up in my life and how I have to keep coming back to the Phoenix Rising meditation in order to come back to the identity of the woman that I know is enough and I know deserves her delulu life.
So if you again, if you've never felt like you're not enough, you are in the right place.
1:15
You are absolutely enough.
It shows up in so many different ways, so maybe you don't resonate with the enough phrasing, but in this episode I'm going to get into all the different ways enough can manifest and they're all going to end up being their own episode.
So if you don't already subscribe, subscribe to the show so you can hear this full series and get comfy because today we are kicking enough in the rearview mirror.
1:43
We are claiming what is ours and you are going to see how loving and deserving you are so that you can claim your delulu life.
I haven't always lived an outside the box life.
In fact most of my life was spent trying to fit in, to conform, not rock the boat and follow the life path.
2:04
You know the school, career, marriage, house, kids won.
Until one day I couldn't do it anymore.
Something felt very wrong and so I slowly started burning it all down.
After taking the terrifying leap into the unknown, I found myself asking what do I really want and can I even have it?
2:23
Who am I really because it's definitely not who I've been.
How can I coexist in a society when I'm questioning its traditions and can I actually go after my dreams?
I've always been told the best thing to do is just play it safe.
This podcast is that journey.
2:38
My journey of self discovery, of writing my own rules of believing and possibilities, of unsubscribing from anything that doesn't feel right, and the out of body experience that gave me what I needed to come back to those answers again and again.
2:56
I'm Carolina and this is my delulu life.
Welcome, welcome.
Welcome to the first episode of the UR Enough series name TBD.
3:18
But you are enough and I hope this can help show you that because it's really been a pattern that I've been stuck in and I didn't realize that I was stuck in it until recently.
3:37
I made a quick little video for socials on not feeling like I was enough and not feeling like my out of body experience was enough.
Which feels so crazy to me because if someone else had said to me like hey I had the soda body experience and this thing absolutely changed my life I would be so captivated.
4:02
I would be like, please tell me more because I want to change my life and tell me how you did it.
Like tell me this story.
Like that's not an everyday thing.
That's not something that happens to everybody.
So like, why would we have this perspective for other people and not give ourselves this courtesy?
4:27
That's kind of where this kind of stemmed from.
And also, who even gets to decide what enough is anyway?
The answer is you do.
You get to decide what is enough, and you get to decide where that line is.
4:48
And you get to always change where that line is because your energy is fluctuating like every single day.
So if you you know one day your best, like trying your best and doing what's enough might be less if you have like a migraine and doing enough might be just brushing your teeth.
5:15
Whereas some days you get a full night's sleep, you feel fabulous, you had a great meditation, great nourishing breakfast, like super hydrated, great cup of coffee, and you feel like you can tackle the world.
And maybe enough for you that day is, I don't know, tackling your entire To Do List.
5:34
And that's enough.
It's a sliding scale and it's something that I never looked at that way.
I always looked at other people's opinions and other peoples's like perspective on what enough was.
5:54
I was raised in a home where it was pretty much like everything needed to be one way.
Like there was one way to do things.
There was the one right way to do things.
And what I didn't realize growing up is that that was also a sliding scale.
6:13
The opinions of the adults around me would change, and I wouldn't realize that they would change.
I would just be confused all the time that the scale was always moving, that the bar was always moving.
But I would try as a people pleaser to do the right thing.
6:34
And I didn't want to get yelled at.
And I didn't, you know, I wanted to be enough.
And it never felt like I was enough because I could never live up to that, that bar.
And like, I remember a time when I would be like cleaning the kitchen, for example, and it was always met with like questions of why are you doing it like that?
6:59
And so I never felt like I was enough because I was always being questioned.
And now as an adult, it feels like anytime I'm being questioned, my enoughness is in question.
But here's the thing that comes from the Phoenix Rising meditation comes from your inner power is that you get to decide what is enough.
7:26
Other people are entitled to their opinion, and you are entitled to yours.
And you are entitled to live your life from your own perspective, from your own scale.
And what I'm finding the trick is, is in disconnecting, like detaching from their opinion so that your autonomy and your confidence and your scale and and you're enoughness is the only thing that matters.
8:03
And so that's what we're getting into in this episode and in every episode for this enough series.
And let's start off with quickly.
I will share my list that I have of ways that enoughness can show up in your life.
8:22
I, of course opened up ChatGPT and I was like, I have this idea.
I'm really struggling with this.
I think it'll help people.
Can you list some ways that not feeling like enough shows up in people's lives?
And I started to cry with the 12 things that he spit out.
8:44
I felt so seen and I felt kind of broken in that moment because these things have controlled a lot of my life.
And the biggest thing that you get from the Phoenix Rising meditation is your power.
9:01
You get your power back.
The power to choose, the power to know that you are enough, the power to see the other possibilities, and the strength to go after it.
That's what I found practicing this meditation for over a year now, and I have to keep coming back to it.
9:24
Because it is a constant source in your life.
It is the constant whenever you feel things going off the rails, whenever you see yourself being upset and not feeling enough, popping in to your inner power however that is.
9:41
Maybe it's not the Phoenix Rising meditation for you, but finding how you can connect to your power and coming back to that.
Having that constant source that you can come back to because that strength and the autonomy and that power and that enoughness lives inside of you.
10:00
You just have to know how to access it.
I found to access it through the Phoenix Rising Meditation, but you can find there's so many other ways to do it.
Nothing else worked for me.
This worked for me.
This is how I found my confidence and the more I practice and every moon practice that I do, I say that I want to practice detachment because I want my power to be my strength and my constant, something I come back to easier.
10:34
And so I keep trying to manifest detachment and like, who am I going through it?
Am I going through it?
And that's proof that your manifestation is working because the way I learn is through practice and real life.
10:52
And the universe is like, oh, you want this, Here you go.
That's how manifestation works.
It might not show up the way you think it will, but that's how it works.
You're like, I'm like, I want to detach from other people's opinions in the universe.
11:07
Like, all right, we're going to give you a bunch of opinionated equal and you can practice your detachment because it doesn't work the way we think it works.
You know, we think like, oh, I'm going to be detached and then all of a sudden these people aren't going to bother us.
And like, that's how I feel about boundaries.
11:24
Like for a long time I thought boundaries were like, you know, you would say you're boundary and then other people would respect them and then you learn like, no, no, no.
The boundary is how you, you know, go through life.
11:40
It's like your power.
But I really think the issue for me is in the word boundary because like boundary to me implies like a wall or a fence or a gate and like the gate is closed or like the gate is open.
But like, I'll put, you know, I'll put down the drawbridge whether or not you're allowed to come in.
12:00
But like it feels so separate.
It feels so you versus me.
And I feel like that's where I struggle because if you want to be in loving relationships with people, like I know sometimes you have to be firm.
But like, I feel like there is a way where if you're coming from a place of strength, like if I call it, this is my strength, this is my autonomy, this is my enoughness, this is my courage, and I'm coming from that place rather than this is my boundary.
12:30
I feel so much more empowered, like a boundary for someone who's a people pleaser.
Feels like I'm putting them out, but if I'm coming from my power, it feels like, hey, if you want to be in my life, this is how things are going to be.
12:49
And it's the same result.
It's the same concept.
It's the power behind the word that shifts it for me.
It shifts it internally and it just feels more empowering.
So I'm that's a little aside, but coming back to this list that Chad gave me, OK, so feeling like you're not good enough can show up in your life.
13:13
And here's his list of 12 ways and we're going to do maybe an episode on all of them.
I haven't fully decided yet because I resonate a lot more with some of them than others, but I'll read you the full list.
So the first one is over functioning like doing everything yourself.
13:31
Like raise your hand.
This could be like a put a finger down enough kind of, you know, challenge whatever.
Put a finger down.
If you've ever felt like you do everything yourself and you're over functioning, you know, it's just easier to do it myself and you struggle to receive help because if people are going to help you, it's not going to be as good as you can do it.
13:53
So you might as well just do it yourself.
And you're secretly exhausted.
Or maybe you're not so secretly exhausted, but you keep going because that's the best way to get everything done.
Like I feel so see, No, I feel so seen and like behaving that way.
14:10
You're doing it all and you're calling it normal like, so that's the first way shape shifting to be liked or chosen.
Oh my God, I that's my entire life until I got this meditation.
Until I got this meditation, I didn't know who I was on my own because I had shapeshifted.
14:31
I literally was so proud of the fact that I could shape shift, that I could flow into different groups of people and I would have something to say to everybody and everybody liked me or I thought they did.
I don't know if people are talking behind my back, but like everyone liked me and everyone wanted like, you know, like I was a good person to have around and like I had stuff to say.
14:52
Like I literally made myself interested in sports so that I would have something to talk about with, you know, all my dad want to talk about with sports.
And so like I had to talk about that with something, you know, I had.
It's all he wanted to talk about.
So like he never wanted to talk about my life.
15:09
He would ask me about my life and then change the topic to whatever's going on in his life.
So if you wanted to have conversations with certain people in your life, you had to shapeshift and adopt those things.
And like some of my friends would get together to watch like hockey games.
15:26
Like I didn't know anything about like players or like, I still don't even know what icing is.
Like I don't know anything about hockey, but I bought myself like AT shirt with the local sports team logo on it.
And I would go to the games and because I wanted to hang out with my friends and they didn't want to be left out.
15:47
And so like, I would definitely shape, shape, shape shift.
I would become who I thought people wanted to hang around with.
And that's also why I leaned so hard into drinking, because I thought when I was drunk I was more likable that I.
16:04
It's like, I don't know and everyone was drinking too.
I don't know.
And so like that's why I stopped drinking because I was like, no, I am whole and complete as I am.
I don't need this, and I don't miss it at all.
And then it says here, too, you change your tone, your interests, your opinions, depending on who you're with.
16:23
Yeah, I would definitely avoid certain topics depending on who I was around because I did not want to create any kind of, like, conflict.
I just wouldn't say things.
I would keep my opinion to myself.
And like, I kind of hate that.
16:39
Like, I want people to be themselves.
And I can see it in other people now when they're just saying things to, like, you know, gas you up.
And it's just like, I want you to be yourself.
And if we don't have the same interest, that's fine.
But I used to be that person.
16:56
And The thing is like, you might not realize you're doing it because it's a survival pattern.
Like that was my my case.
Like I thought it was normal.
I thought this was the safest way to go through life.
But like, safe is not authentic.
17:12
Safe is not who you are.
Safe is not the best way to go through your life, in my opinion.
Yeah, you wanna be safe, but don't you want to be you?
Like, don't you want to be so proud of your life?
17:28
I don't think at the end of my life I'm going to look back and be like, I'm so proud.
I suppressed my own needs and I didn't even go after my own interests because I was so like doing everything for everybody else, like doing all the interests of other people had, you know, like that isn't something to be proud of, in my opinion.
17:53
Like I, when I first started taking a step back from society because I realized that I had been doing everything that everybody else wanted me to do.
I the first thing I noticed was like, I don't even know what my own interests are.
18:12
Like I don't know what I like.
I knew I liked fantasy like Harry Potter and stuff and I like the Hallmark movies on TV.
And I started reading romance books and joined a book club and then started discovered romanticism as like a mixed genre.
18:28
And now like I'm obsessed and like, but I never read before and I, I don't know, like you don't know what you're interested in until you try.
And once you start having your interest, that's when people come out of the woodwork being interested in those things too.
18:46
But like, you never know unless you put that out there.
And like, for all you know, someone else could be like I used to call myself like a closet spiritual because like I didn't know anyone else who was spiritual.
And so it's like you're, you're closeting your spirituality because you don't want to rock the boat.
19:04
And for all you know, you have other friends doing the same thing and you're all just going through life wearing a mask when you could really be yourself and you'd be that much more happy.
But like, you don't know you're doing it because it doesn't feel like enough to just be yourself.
So that's going to be a big episode.
19:22
The next one is put a finger down.
If you've ever over explained yourself, that's definitely me.
Like you justify your decision, you explain things that nobody asked for and you try to make everything make sense to others.
19:37
This is something that's held me back for so long, especially in my business, because I I keep trying to justify everything and nobody asked.
And when other people, it's so funny.
The universe holds up a mirror to you whenever you're trying.
19:53
Like there's an area that you're whenever.
Here's how it was put to me.
If you have someone in your life who is doing things that upset you, try and look at that as like a how is this trying to show you something about yourself?
20:09
Like the universe is always holding these mirrors up and it uses the people in your life as lessons and expressions for that.
And so I notice other people explaining things to me that I didn't ask for and it irritates the fuck out of me.
20:24
And I'm like, I didn't ask, I don't care.
And This is why, Because the universe is showing it up for me so that I can step away from it because how am I supposed to?
My mentor used to say that you can't read your own label if you're in the jar.
20:41
So right now your body is the jar and you can't read your own label because you're in the jar.
And so the universe reflects things to you through people, places, things, experiences.
And when you're seeing something in someone else's irritating you, it's a gift.
20:59
It's not meant to say that you're a problem, but it's a gift to show you how you can better your life.
And so I look at other people over explaining themselves as like, well, how is this showing up in my life?
And so maybe you can use it that way too.
21:14
So obviously do a big episode on that.
Put a finger down if you've ever struggled to receive.
And that's like struggling to receive money, compliments or support, which support kind of ties into that other one about asking for help, but receiving compliments absolutely.
21:33
Like, how often would someone be like, Oh my gosh, I love your dress.
And you're like, oh, this old thing that right there is not receiving a compliment or someone holding a door open for you and you rush and go, no, no, no, don't worry about it.
21:52
That is not receiving.
And if you have a deficit in your bank account, maybe you are struggling to receive money.
I know I am.
Put a finger down.
Put all 10 down, you deflect compliments, you undercharge or feel weird about money and you feel uncomfortable being given to like I, I don't like receiving gifts.
22:14
So like here we go.
Like that's exactly that.
And I'll talk more about this in that episode, but like my mentor had this practice of like, if someone holds the door open for you, let them thank them.
22:31
When someone compliments you, thank them and you can compliment something about them too.
But like you don't have to.
You can just thank them.
Just receive it.
Just sit in the thank you.
So there's that.
Put your finger down.
If you stay too long in relationships, situations or patterns.
22:50
Oh, guilty, guilty, guilty.
You stay in things that don't feel right.
You wait for things to improve or you second guess leaving this.
I feel like, I don't know, I have a lot of feelings on this.
I've definitely done that, especially in the relationship department, especially in the situations, but like really in the relationships.
23:11
Like ah, so many stories, stories on stories.
But anyway, specifically from a place of not feeling good enough, like feeling like you can't get someone better or feeling like this is as good as it gets, like all of that kind of falls into that.
23:28
Put a finger down if you've ever, if you're a perfectionist and you disguise it as trying your best, you delay action until it's ready.
You overthink small decisions, and you have a fear of being seen imperfectly.
Check check check for me put a figure down if you need external validation to feel OK.
23:52
Yes I 100% you look for reassurance.
Your decisions feel shaky without approval and confidence fluctuates based on others.
I again, I feel so seen.
This list is so disarming.
24:07
But the best thing is, is all of these that I read when I practice the Phoenix Rising meditation, I find my power, I find my confidence, I find my strength.
And these things don't matter.
But when you're changing a lifetime of habits, you have to keep having this awareness that these things are happening.
24:27
And that's the point of this show is to bring these awareness, bring these things to you so that you can see where you're stuck and hopefully not do the things I've done in my life and so that you won't stay stuck.
Because when you can shift your vibration out of this, this lack state, you can attract your Dulu life because this is the stuff that's preventing you from manifesting your Dulu life.
24:52
And so that's why we're bringing it up, so that we can move the fuck out of lack and move the fuck into enoughness.
Put a finger down if you avoid being fully seen.
I don't really resonate with that sentence, but you hold back your real thoughts.
25:10
You play small in rooms that you could take U space in.
You fear being judged or misunderstood.
Yes, yes, yes.
I don't know if I ever really resonated with playing small, but I definitely notice I do that in like clothing for example, where I would wear something like have you ever put a finger down?
25:32
If you've ever been like, I don't want to wear the red lipstick because I don't want to attract attention to myself.
That's playing small.
That's feeling like you're not good enough.
That's feeling like someone's gonna judge you, you know?
And so like, that's what I think fits into this umbrella, this bucket.
25:52
But if you're down, if you overthink everything like me, me, me, me, me, you loop in your head, you struggle to make decisions and you try to find the right answer.
I feel like that's the thing with not feeling like you're enough.
You're always looking for that external validation so that you can move forward.
26:11
All of these have that through thread.
It's like someone else has set the bar for what is enough and you're looking to them for permission to move forward.
So no thanks, Unsubscribe, we don't need that.
26:30
Moving on.
Put a finger down if you feel like you need to earn rest, love or success.
You know, say it's Sunday and you have this list of stuff to do, but you're not going to rest first.
You're going to get your stuff done.
Probably because, and this happened to me, you feel pressure from the list.
26:50
You got to get it done so that you can rest.
We want to change that because what I'm learning, because I am prioritizing rest and I am prioritizing joy, is that the productivity can come as a result of rest and joy.
27:09
I know it sounds backwards, especially when you've struggled with enoughness, but when I prioritize my joy, I manifest more and it is so incredible to see.
I can't even we'll get into it.
27:25
But like it is so incredible to see that like when you rest and you can come at this stuff from an aligned state, you get through your list faster and more efficiently and you actually don't feel drained after because you're in the right state.
27:41
So if you can't relax without feeling productive or you tie your worth to your checklist like you're not, you know, doing enough.
If you're not checking this enough stuff off or you feel guilty slowing down, we're going to have a whole episode on that.
28:02
Put a finger down if you don't ask for what you actually want.
I'm so guilty of that.
Like you'll ask around it because you don't want to be a burden or you don't want to upset people.
It's like you'll you'll ask around or like you'll say other things that are really, like light before, you know, dropping.
28:24
What's the expression like?
Drop the bomb, I guess.
Like you'll just say all these other things before you'll really get to the point because you're afraid of the other person.
Like that's what not feeling enough really is like.
Yeah, here you hint instead of ask, or you settle for less.
28:41
Oh my gosh, that is one that I've really grew up on.
It's like, you know, you don't send your food back if it's wrong because you know, it's fine and I'll just eat it.
Or like, um, Oh my gosh, this showed up a lot like with work.
28:56
And it's like I'm I'm, I'm in the workplace and my boss is like yelling or whatever.
And like you settle with this because you think, well, I'm not going to get another job or like this is the only job where like all of these thoughts are like jobs are hard.
29:14
It's hard to get one or the economy is bad right now or blah, blah, blah.
That is all lack.
That is all.
Giving your power away and not feeling like enough.
Not feeling like the badass rock star you are and believing that there is a job out there that's right for you.
29:31
Because the universe would not leave you in lack.
It would not leave you wanting.
Your possibilities and your potential are out there and your aligned opportunities are out there, but you are in this state of lack, this state of not enough.
29:46
And so the universe is like, alright, your wish is my command.
Like I'm going to give you what you're looking for.
But like if you really wanted this other thing, this exists for you.
You just got to tell me you want it.
But like we're stuck in this loop of not asking for what we want.
And so the universe, like, all right, I'm going to give you confusion.
30:04
I'm going to not give you opportunities because you believe they're not there.
So you're settling for where you are instead of reaching for what's possible.
And it's keeping you stuck and it's keeping you from living your Dulu life.
30:20
And the final one here, normalizing discomfort.
Oh my goodness.
I used to think it was so normal to like have pain, like physical pain.
That's just how life is.
Like I grew up with that phrase being so normal.
30:35
That's just how life is.
It's not how life is.
And I say this so much on the show that the universe, anything you see out there that's possible for anyone is possible for you because it exists on the universal menu.
30:53
And so you just have to align with that future, with that possibility, with that potential, and that is possible for you.
It exists, therefore it is possible.
And so saying that's just how life is, is keeping you stuck.
31:09
It's keeping you in lack, it's keeping you in not enough.
You tolerate things that don't feel good and you disconnect from your body signals.
That was a huge one for me and that is a huge part of the Rising Phoenix rising meditation.
31:25
The first thing we do is connect with our body.
I did somatic psychotherapy to learn how to connect with my body and it was such a struggle at first because I never done it.
Because I'd spent my whole life trying to force my body to do things.
31:42
Because there was this underneath belief that my body wasn't good enough, existing as it is, and my body needed to conform to other peoples standards in order to be enough.
31:58
And that is not the truth.
That is not the case.
That is this belief that this is just how life is or like you're tolerating these things, but that's not how it has to be.
32:13
And when you can connect with your body to this wisdom, I actually feel like mildly psychic because I'm now connecting to these things that I never could before.
Because you're looking outside of yourself because that's what you do when you feel like you're not enough, you look to other people because that's how you were raised.
32:37
And that's what we're breaking with this series.
Like I said, they're holding you back from receiving life's blessings.
They're holding you back from living your Dulu life.
The vibration of lack, the energy of not being enough, It's really all tied to this old identity that we adopted to keep us safe.
33:00
So like, it's totally not your fault.
But now that you're aware, you can change something about it.
And I'm not going to lie to you, it's not quick.
It's a simple concept of like, well, yeah, of course.
33:15
Why would I subscribe to this if I could subscribe to something else?
Like why would I keep going this way if it's causing me discomfort when there's a better way to live?
It's simple in concept and you understand it in your brain, but you have to embody it on every level of your being.
33:33
And that's where the Phoenix Rising meditation comes in.
It aligns every level of your being so that you can go after your Dulu life.
And like I said, there's so many other things out there that might work for you.
33:49
If this is not your thing, no worries, you can join us.
Right now.
I'm only offering it through the Sunday reset, but I also practice it and I manifest with the moon.
And so that's going to be coming to.
And eventually I'm going to do some kind of like a membership where you can learn these layers with me one by one and really embody them and really get them down so that you can actually use these concepts to change your life and come back to your power.
34:14
So you can shift all these old identities and these autopilot habits that you're running on.
Because that's really what our behavior is every day.
It's autopilot.
We do a lot of the same things every single day and it's just running on autopilot.
And this awareness that you get from this show, this awareness that you get from these topics is how you break the autopilot and choose something else.
34:37
So I'm going to run some kind of a membership where we can like work on that together because like I did this meditation for like a year, not even every single day, but like I did it for like a year and my whole life is different.
So like imagine what we can do if we all do it together.
34:54
And I believe if we're all doing the meditation at the same time, collective consciousness is so powerful.
They've, I've heard of them doing like studies of like shifts in energy when collective people are like all meditating the same way.
35:11
And so the power behind a group of us doing the same meditation, I can't even imagine it because it's so powerful for one person.
It's going to be really, really cool to see for everyone.
Like doing it together.
So these beliefs are not serving you.
35:29
You are absolutely enough.
You really are like you were enough just as you are.
You were born perfect and then you were raised that you needed to fit into a box, and we're breaking that box so that you can go after your dreams.
35:47
And I've been living this and I didn't realize that I was living this until recently.
I what I, what happens for me in my life is that I'll realize something, but then the old programming will default to no, no, no, we need to keep it safe.
36:04
And I'll like, forget that I had these realizations.
And then I'll come back to it again later.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, I had this realization.
And the coolest part is one of my gates in human design says that I do that.
And so it's really cool to like look at my chart and be like, wow, this is actually happening because like, this is how I'm built.
36:25
So that's just a little fun fact.
And like, I don't do human design readings.
I can do really basic human design and I've got like 3 books on the topic.
But it really changed my life.
I've 4 1/2 years now into my deconditioning journey.
And they say it takes 7.
36:41
And deconditioning to me is a lot like getting rid of the autopilot, getting rid of these old behaviors that you really want to unsubscribe to, clearing out the noise so that you can hear yourself, which is exactly what the Phoenix Rising meditation does.
36:57
It connects it like turns up the volume on you, on your body, your intuition, your soul, all of that so that you can hear it louder.
Because like right now, your intuition is so quiet.
And the external noise, the not enoughness, the pressure, the external pressure, the overthinking, all the things that we just read through like that is louder than your internal wisdom.
37:20
And when you can turn up the volume on your internal wisdom and turn down the volume on this pressure, this not enoughness, that's where your power is.
Because then you'll remember that more automatically to come back to your wholeness rather than living in this state that other people decided who other people set the bar for.
37:45
So unsubscribe to that.
Subscribe to you.
That's the beautiful thing about your glue life and all this stuff is it's completely custom to you.
This meditation, it's a framework.
It's a new framework that I haven't seen anyone else out there teach it like this.
38:02
Maybe it is out there, I don't know.
I just haven't come across it.
It's a new framework and it really brings you back.
Like it's so custom because the framework is there, but the the messages you get and everything is so custom to you.
38:21
It's so unique to you.
That's where the magic lies.
That's where the power lies and shifting things in your life.
And so for me, this out of body experience 1,000,000% changed my life.
38:39
It I've been on this growth journey for like 20 years.
I've tried everything from tapping and vision boards, law of attraction, manifestation, breath work, yoga, I don't know, meditation anyway, guided meditation, self LED meditation.
38:57
Like I've tried.
I can't even remember all the things.
I've tried so many things.
I've gone to so many conferences, I've read so many books, I've listened to so many inspirational people and nothing moved the needle.
Absolutely nothing.
And then I found my human design and I felt so almost confused by it.
39:15
At first.
I felt like I had permission because I knew I had these dreams and human design gave me the permission.
But I still didn't know what to do with it because my chart said that I should be one way, but the way I was living my life was definitely not that.
And so it was very mismatched.
39:32
But because it aligned with what I thought my dreams were, I wanted to chase it and I wanted to start deconditioning.
And when I started doing that, things started kind of clicking and shifting for me.
39:50
And I had a lot of, I, I, I had a lot of physical pain and that kind of led to me to discover Sound healing.
I'd never tried it.
40:06
And I had been so interested in music since I was three years old and I had done a lot of my career in music and I'd, I don't know, I just love music so much.
It changes your life.
There's something that brings people together.
Like I love music so much.
40:21
And yet I hadn't tried sound Healing like.
Is one of those things that seemed like it made so much sense and yet I didn't do it.
And then I got a book on sound healing and then I stopped reading the book on the chapter where they were talking about vocal toning and aligning your chakras using vibration.
40:44
And I was like, this is so cool.
Like I've done Reiki, I believe in the chakras.
I've done chakra meditations like let's try and do this, like let's go water break.
So I did this chakra vocal toning meditation and like I mentioned earlier, I had been doing somatic psychotherapy and she was teaching me how to feel into my body.
41:21
So when I was doing this vocal toning meditation, I felt in my body that the chakras, it was like it was cut off at my throat.
The energy was swirling in a vortex from my feet up to my throat and then at my throat.
41:37
It was like sputtering, like the energy couldn't get through up to the top chakras.
It was blocked probably from not feeling like enough and probably from not speaking up about the things that I want and probably from not connecting to my body, my soul, my intuition.
41:58
And anyway, another thing she had been teaching me in the somatic psychotherapy was how to access my energy, which is a layer of your body, your energetic layer of your wall, of your being.
It's, it depends how you look at it.
42:14
I don't look at it as part of the body layer.
I look at it as separate, but I tuned into my energy layer and it's like the layer that exists outside your body.
If you like, rub your hands together really fast and then you create that friction and then you slowly pull your hands apart from each other.
42:35
You can feel that energy.
Like if you move your hands in and out from each other, you feel that pull almost like there's gum between your hands.
Like that is your energy.
And so the more you can practice tapping into that.
I've healed since I've been practicing this meditation and, and tapping into the energy.
42:57
Yeah, even before practicing the meditation, when I would tap into my energy, I could like, relax pain, like relax some of that physical pain I was feeling just from tapping into my energy.
Like I didn't need to go to the chiropractor.
43:12
I didn't need to go to Craniosacral.
I didn't need to go to physio.
I didn't need to go to those things.
And I know it probably won't work for everything, but I also believe in miracles and like Jesus did heal people.
And so I and he his whole message.
43:28
I'm not religious.
This is gonna be the quickest little thing.
He his whole message was that you, me, same, you, me, same.
I can do this.
I'm showing you what's possible because you can do it too.
That was his message at the core of it.
43:43
And so I think it's all in your perspective, whether or not you think your energy can heal your body or not, it's all what you believe in.
And so I've healed pain for myself by just tapping into my energy.
43:59
So back to my experience, I was tapping into that.
The energy was sputtering at my throat.
And so I tapped into my energetic layer and that unlocked everything for me.
44:15
The energy started like whooshing around my whole body and that is when I left my body and my being multiplied into 6.
And almost like when you're you have paper folded and you know how when you can cut like people out of paper, but like you expand the paper and they're all attached.
44:38
I don't know what those are called, but like, it's kind of like how you make snowflakes and you cut out the little squares and you, you pull it apart.
It's like a craft you did as kids and you can like pull the people apart.
And all these people are holding hands.
That's what happened to me.
My body multiplied, but we were all holding hands, but we weren't really bodies.
44:57
We were like energetic blobs, like ethereal, like we still had body kind of shapes anyway.
And there was 6, there was 6.
I was in the 1 vantage point and there was six of us and in the centre I I can't even.
45:18
My whole energy just felt like it was on fire and it was expansive.
It was so cool.
And then a phoenix rose from the centre.
And in the moment I thought that meant that I should be doing sound healing.
I got this message that I should pursue a career in sound healing because I've always wanted to have a career in music ever since I was 3.
45:48
When I was three, I would go around saying I wanted to be a rock star named Carolina, which is why I changed my name to Carolina.
I'm honoring my inner child.
Let's go.
I believe children are so connected to their purpose it's not even funny.
46:05
And that's why, that's why I changed my name, because she knew.
She knew what was up.
So I am out of my body.
I didn't even want to leave this state.
46:20
It was so beautiful and I can still remember it now and I have chills talking about it and it makes me want to cry.
It was so beautiful.
And yeah, in the moment, I totally got the vibe that like the the message, it was very clear, like do sound healing and everything clicked into place.
46:45
I found someone that was close by.
I did my training.
I was so good at it.
She was like, you have the same like your skill is.
So she kept interrupting me.
She's like your skills so good.
And I was like, I know.
And like because I was doing a treatment and she was like, you're performing the way I do and I've been doing this for 15 years.
47:05
And I was like, well yeah, because an out of body experience told me to do this.
And then I got hit with, I did my first group session and a woman got triggered by my ocean drum, which I thought was super sad.
47:23
That was like one of my favorite instruments.
But she had survived a hurricane.
And she was like, that was awful.
And I was like, well, I don't want to trigger people.
I want to heal people.
I want to help people.
And that made me feel like I wasn't enough.
47:39
And I retreated.
I turtled.
I was like, no, I'm in my shell.
And I was still married at the time.
And he was like, don't worry, take your time, blah, blah, blah.
And when I was going to start getting myself out there again, he blindsided me with divorce and I had to move 3000 kilometers back in with my mom.
48:01
And my confidence took a big hit and I felt like I wasn't enough.
And I felt like my dreams have been taken from me and I went through a whole different journey.
But what that gave me was the time to sit and reflect with the out of body experience to be like.
48:19
There has to be something here with the six, the six beings.
There has to be something with the six.
And I thought that when I first came out of it.
I thought there has to be something with the six and I looked into it to what other?
48:41
I don't know if cultures is probably not the right word.
If if other people other trains of thought, other belief systems, that's a better way to put it.
If other belief systems had these 6 beings, these six layers of our being, because it was very clear to me that that because they expanded from me that we were all 1.
49:05
And I also subscribe to the belief of oneness that we are all one.
We are all part of the same consciousness.
That's very like A Course in Miracles beliefs.
And I knew that those 6 were one.
49:27
And so like all parts of the same hole.
And I looked into it at the time and I what resonated so much was body, mind, emotions, soul, energy and source.
49:45
And so those were the six that I had, but I didn't know what to do with it.
And then Fast forward to what I call like the dark night of the soul.
Because like when you're going through changing your life, for me anyway, it's not linear.
50:03
It takes me like back and forth and all around.
And like, you know, you take 4 steps forward and then you take 7 steps back.
And like this felt like a big step back.
But like really once you're out of it, you're like, oh, maybe that wasn't a step back.
50:20
Maybe that was just a course correction.
Maybe that was a redirection.
And so like this is where you have to surrender and be open to the different perspectives in life.
Like the the possibility that maybe of what you're looking at is not the way it's going to turn out and that's OK.
50:38
Like when I was three, I thought it would be a rock star.
But now I'm thinking maybe what she saw as her potential was standing on stage with instruments and a microphone.
And as a three-year old, she internalized that with reality that she was going to be a rock star.
50:55
But maybe what she really saw is me public speaking on stage with my sound healing instruments.
And I have chills saying that because I now am so connected with my intuition that this thing that I'm feeling right now is my potential, it's my delulu future that's pinging back to me to say yes.
51:21
Keep going in that direction.
And until you can tap into these layers and feel into your actual intuition and not maybe what you think your intuition is, but what your actual intuition is, that's where your guidance is.
51:40
You stop overthinking because you're leaning on your guidance and you stop worrying because you're you know that everything that's happening is happening exactly how it's meant to.
And you have to keep coming back to this until it becomes second nature.
And I Full disclosure, I'm not there yet in every area with it second nature.
52:00
And that's why we're doing a series on Enoughness.
But going back to the Six.
So I was going through what I call The Dark Night of the Soul where things got really dicey for me.
52:17
And that gave me the opportunity to sit with like I had actually found my mentor and whenever I was around her, I got these huge downloads and I credit, I don't know, it must have been something with our human designs that she completed things for me that helped me see things I don't know.
52:39
But anyway, throughout her like it's like a group coaching.
So it wasn't anything one-on-one or anything, but throughout her tutelage, I guess you could say it got me thinking about this six again.
52:55
And I was like, there has to be a way to use this.
And I was like, I'm going to start doing a meditation that has all six parts and I'm like, how am I going to do this?
And so I just tried it and I just practiced and I tweaked and, and it evolved and, you know, it started out real simple and it just kept evolving with everything that I've practiced with my somatic psychotherapy, with the energy work, with any research that I've done, like I said, over the 20 years that I've done self help stuff and all the things I've practiced, like how can I use this with anything I learned with sound feeling like how can I use this for this meditation?
53:39
And so I practiced it for a year.
And if you've been around for a while, I used to call it the inner sound check process because I started it out as a way to connect with yourself to because a sound check is really checking in with all the instruments and making sure they all sound good together.
53:55
And that's what I use the meditation for.
At first, you're checking in with all parts of yourself.
You're getting to know all parts of yourself so that you can access, so you can put it all into alignment and make sure everything's tuned with each other so the concert sounds good.
54:10
And that's what I was doing with it at first.
The more I did it, the more I saw how much power there was and how much more confident I became.
And like, I had done mindset coaching and I had done therapy and I had done all this stuff and nothing moved the needle until this.
54:28
Nothing, Nothing.
Move the needle.
And it had been over a year that I had been practicing this meditation.
And then I realized there was a seventh piece that I hadn't accounted for, and it was the phoenix.
54:46
There was the six beings connected to each other, but there was a phoenix in the middle.
And that phoenix represents the death of your old life, the death of not feeling enough, the death of the autopilot, the death of all the things that you think you should do that are not in alignment with who you truly are.
55:06
And the rebirth of your soul and your potential and your Dulu life.
Your anything you're dreaming of, anything that's pinging for you, anything that is calling you towards a life that is better, that you're not settling for because you are meant for so much more.
55:26
And you are enough.
And it is all possible for you.
And that is why I changed the name to the Phoenix Rising Meditation because that's what I saw in the outer body experience.
And that's what happened.
And that's what I know to be 1,000,000% true for every one of us is that if we can access this power inside of us, if we can have this constant to keep coming back to, to find our power in any situation.
55:52
To have this awareness of feeling like you're not enough to come back to your power and to rise in every situation in your life so that you can make your life better, so that you can look back on your life and go, damn, girl.
Like that was fun.
That was a ride.
56:08
Like I believe in reincarnation.
So like, let's go to the next one.
You know what I mean?
And so that's what that is.
And I mean, that's, that's what I share inside the Sunday reset.
56:25
So like if you want to experience the meditation, go to the link in the show notes and come to a meditation.
Like I pair it with my sound healing because the vibrations from the sound help shake loose the shit, help align you with your energy, can help realign your energy.
56:43
They get the shit loose because vibrations, did you know that they break kidney stones with vibrations?
Like vibrations are so powerful.
And so we're shaking the shit loose with the vibrations.
We're using the meditation to connect to your power, to show you how you can connect to it.
56:59
And it doesn't take one meditation like you gotta keep coming.
You gotta show up for yourself, but that's what we're doing.
We have combined this power combined with the potential.
And here's the thing, I had this meditation that I was doing and it didn't feel like enough.
57:16
Like I was just crying because this is so powerful to me.
And yet there's a part of me that felt like it wasn't enough.
Like it wasn't enough of an offer.
Like there had to be more like, like people wouldn't see the possibilities and the magic in it.
57:36
I don't know.
Like there was so many thoughts and that was holding me back and how the universe reflected that to me.
Because just how the universe will bring you people who are challenging you so that you can, you know, break free from stuff so that you can better yourself.
57:53
The universe will also bring you things that are going to help you.
And it brought me this woman's account and she was talking about using certain parts of your human design to help like with your messaging and stuff, to show you what you're meant to be doing and how you can use it in like your business.
58:12
And so I looked at that because like I said, I have 3 human design books.
I love human design so much.
I'm not certified as a reader and I don't believe I'm qualified to do any of that, but I can definitely show you the basics.
And so she gave, she's like, look here, here, here and here.
And I'm like, all right, so I pulled out my books and I made all these notes from her post.
58:31
I looked all this stuff up and it brought me to tears again because it literally said that the thing I'm meant to be doing is showing people a new framework.
Like hello, that's what the Phoenix Rising meditation is.
58:47
It's a new framework.
It's a new meditation.
It's something I discovered because my human design says I do things by trial and error.
And then later in life I've become a role model.
And so like, here's this thing that I found from the soda body experience that completely changed my life.
59:04
It's something I keep coming back to find my personal power to slay at life, to go after my deluded life, and it I was holding myself back because I didn't think it was enough.
Like who made that bar and at what point was I?
59:26
It just makes me so sad for my inner child that she had to go through feeling like she wasn't enough, feeling like she wasn't good enough.
Like, and I, I owe so much to Human design for unlocking so much for me.
59:43
Because every single thing in my chart, the more and more aligned I get with my soul, the more I unlock my power, the more I step into the shoes of the woman that I'm becoming, the more my human Design chart brings me to tears.
Because it's exactly what I've always dreamt about but never felt like I was good enough to go after.
1:00:06
And so not feeling good enough was holding me back from you because I was making this offer, but I was also packaging everything.
I was like, oh, it's a sound bath with a meditation.
Like for a long time, I was advertising the Sunday reset as a sound bath with a meditation.
1:00:24
And now I'm like, no, no, no.
We're fully leaning into It's a guided Phoenix rising meditation with a sound bath because although music has been such a big part of my life, the meditation is the transformation piece, The sound healing is the support and I'm leaning into that now and I'm not downplaying it anymore.
1:00:52
I'm not overthinking it anymore.
I'm fully leaning into it.
We are unsubscribing from downplaying, We're unsubscribing from overthinking, and we are subscribing to fully leaning into it.
And I touched on this a little bit, but like if you are in this vibration of not being enough, of being in any kind of lack state, you are literally putting up a wall and the universe can't bring you what you want.
1:01:21
And so breaking down this wall so that you can be in closer connection with the universe, you will start seeing things manifest quicker.
I'm seeing things manifest so much in my life and not in every department because our feeling of enoughness is different.
1:01:42
Like our like threshold in different areas in life are higher or lower depending on what The thing is, depending on what our past experience is, depending on what our relationship is with our with, pardon me, with our soul or whatever.
1:02:01
It's different for everybody.
It's different for every situation.
And so like I'm seeing things manifest in certain areas where I've healed things and I'm not seeing things manifest in other areas where I still have work.
But once you can break down these walls, that's when your dream life comes to you.
1:02:17
That's when you're Lulu life comes to you and being in this state of not being enough, being in this state of lack, you are attracting more of that into your life because that is the vibration you are putting out.
1:02:35
You cannot manifest or attract the life you want from this vibration.
It doesn't work.
That's not how the universe works.
You can't say or believe that you're not good enough, that your offer is not good enough.
The universe is going to reflect that to you.
1:02:52
It's gonna be like alright sure, here you go.
That's how it works.
We over complicate things as humans, but it is so basic.
It's a vibration of lack.
It's not a vibration of abundance.
And So what am I doing instead?
1:03:08
How am I getting over this lack aside from, you know, leaning into it and unsubscribing from downplaying and blah blah blah.
I know I'm enough.
I know at my core it's, it's, it's the knowledge in the brain and I have to feel it in my soul.
1:03:28
And so the same is what I do every morning I have this prompt that comes U on my phone that's like I wonder how easy and amazing today will be.
I've talked about that a lot on the show.
You can use that same thing here.
When you think you're not enough, tune into your energy, tune into your soul because your soul knows it's enough.
1:03:49
Your brain knows you're enough, but the rest of your system needs to catch up.
And the body I think is the last one to catch up.
Because when I say I'm enough, I feel my energy buzzing.
I feel it nice and big.
It's just my body that needs to catch up.
But once all of it's in tune together, it's all going to work in harmony.
1:04:08
And so like coming back to that, so coming back to knowing I'm enough, feeling into my energy and feeling into source because source is where all the love and abundance lives.
And the opposite, I think of not feeling enough is feeling enough, but it's feeling abundant.
1:04:24
It's feeling love is feeling peaceful.
So connecting to source, which is the unlimited source of that.
And so connecting into source and connecting into your soul because that's where the where the confidence always is.
Those two layers are unlimited confidence that you have access to every second of every day.
1:04:42
So you sit there, you take a deep breath, you tune in to those two of the six steps of the Phoenix rising meditation.
Actually, I forgot to say the 7th step is connecting with all of it because the Phoenix is rising.
And so this is like a mini Phoenix rising where you connecting to two of the six or seven, I guess with the Phoenix, but you're connecting to those two layers and you just are feeling I am enough.
1:05:09
I am enough and you feel that you're enough and you let it permeate every level of body, mind, emotions, soul energy and source.
You let it permeate all of it and eventually that will shift your vibration.
1:05:25
That's what I've experienced anyway.
And so keep coming back to that in every way that you notice you're not enough.
Coming back to that and justice, I keep telling myself, I know this is enough.
This changed my fucking life.
I know it's enough.
1:05:41
I know it's going to change other lives too.
I've already heard people telling me that it has changed things for them that they hadn't experienced in other ways.
So that is enough.
And having these reminders, because you can probably find evidence in your life that you are enough in certain areas.
1:05:58
And so coming back to that is like, you have the awareness and you always have to just keep coming back to it until it becomes second nature.
That's the thing.
It's the repetition that creates the new habit.
1:06:14
And then you can unsubscribe from this old habit.
And like I've said to who even gets to define what enough is anyway?
So like sitting down and like redefining it for yourself in that scenario.
I found that so helpful to you because I'm like, no, it is enough.
1:06:31
My bar.
It's like it changed my life.
That's my bar.
It is enough.
Someone out there is going to be so interested in this, like it is enough.
And I've already seen evidence of that.
And so if you've already seen evidence, that's enough to show you that it is enough.
1:06:48
And there's always these little evidence in your life for the things that are Nuggets for you.
And so looking for those that keep coming back to your power inside the meditation, like I said, coming back to the source energy and the soul energy, because they know the truth.
1:07:04
And, you know, removing the noise kind of thing and reminding myself or letting me remind you that you can change your behaviors and you can change your autopilots.
An you always have a choice.
You whenever your, whatever your response is in a situation, you always have a choice that you can change it.
1:07:25
It's work.
It's not easy, it doesn't happen overnight, but you always have that choice.
You always have that possibility that you can shift things for you.
That's basically it.
You have the awareness and the knowing that your power is in choosing differently.
1:07:43
And I always come back to this.
If I never try, I'll never know, which is a line in defying Gravity.
And we all, if you've been around for a while, you know how much I love Wicked and like, that's probably why that brings me to such tears.
1:08:03
Because do you really want to go through your life without doing the things that you have in your heart and get to the end of your life and be like, wow, I never got to try that.
So I never know how it would have ended up, you know, like, sure, I stuck into those relationships too long, but like, I definitely know what would have happened if I stayed that long, you know?
1:08:27
But anyway, if you never try, if you never go for your dreams, you'll never know.
And you are enough.
You are enough, exactly who you are because you were created and your creation is perfect and beautiful just as you are.
1:08:48
You have all this power inside of you.
The Phoenix Rising Meditation will teach you how to access that.
If you've never done it because you're looking outside of you like I have, with not feeling like you're enough, with looking to other people, with people pleasing, with all the things we talked about earlier in the episode, this helps you see where your power is.
1:09:13
It teaches you how to connect to all these things you've never connected to before.
And when you can connect to those things, you will see just how powerful you are.
You will see your life change.
I started to believe it was impossible for me because I had been studying for 20 years and nothing was changing.
1:09:31
But now it is.
And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is possible for you.
I know that the dreams in your heart are possible for you.
And it starts with unsubscribing from feeling like you're not enough.
No thanks.
Unsubscribe and finding your power and coming back to your power again and again and again and again until that bitch becomes autopilot and the old not feeling like enough bitch is by out the window.
1:10:01
Don't come back.
So I hope this inspired you.
I, it's as much for me as it is for you because it helps, you know, speaking as a vibration and it helps me reaffirm to myself that the meditation is enough and it's meant to help people.
1:10:23
And I'm fully leaning into it.
And you're here along for the journey and we'll see what happens.
I already have evidence that it works.
And sticking in that vibration, that's how you attract more to it because that's the energy of abundance.
1:10:43
It's not this energy of lack.
So I hope this helped, I hope you see, I hope you subscribe and we can go on this enoughness journey together.
I hope you have a beautiful couple weeks ahead until we have this next episode together.
1:11:02
And thank you so much for spending this time with me and I will see you in the next one.
Bye.
